just a piece of crap work i may pass up next year:

Rock music blared loudly from every corner of the place, accompanied by the occasional whiff of alcohol and cigarettes. Dim strobe lights further enhanced the exciting atmosphere of couples swaying to and fro with the music. Unaccustomed to her generation’s idea of ‘fun’, Sandra could do nothing apart from helplessly watching the others, she herself a lone figure in a corner. The ear-splitting music made her dizzy and the faint light made it hard for her to see, let alone find her way around. Her high-heeled shoes bound her feet so tightly she felt blisters forming due to the excruciating pain. The stench of alcohol and cigarettes almost made her choke. While everyone was having a whale of a time, she silently remained in the corner, on the verge of blacking out.

***

In school, Sandra was the reigning queen of the academic arena. Teachers adored her, her friends admired her—life seemed perfect. She completed all assignments on time and passed all her examinations with flying colours. A role model to her peers, teachers always mentioned her exemplary attitude towards learning, improvement and her fervent desire to strive for perfection in her report book. True, all her waking hours were dedicated to studying, but it was all in the hope of a bright future. When her friends were hanging out at shopping malls, she would be in the library, soaking up all the knowledge the books there could offer, like a sponge immersed in water. When her friends were at sleepovers, staying up till late at night to update one another on the latest gossip, she would be alone in her room mugging, lost in her surroundings. No, her life was not bland, contrary to what all her friends thought. After all, it was ‘self-discipline’ and she enjoyed her studies as much as they enjoyed having fun. Thus, all her friends’ advice to loosen up fell on deaf ears.

Yet, when she was at the disco, she no longer set a standard of excellence for the others to admire and follow. Under normal circumstances, people would marvel at every one of her achievements. However, at the disco, things were different—everyone just found a partner and headed onto the dance floor where they would spend the next few hours before coming back for a drink, red-faced but satisfied. Sandra’s nerdy look did not attract the boys—they went for girls who were more fun-loving. During the entire night, she did not dance at all. Nor did she feel like doing so—she felt nauseated. Surprised that she, for once, possessed this mood-crushing feeling of isolation, she headed off for home without saying good-bye. She remembered she had an university admission essay to write and wanted to do it instead of wasting her time at the disco.

“What are you greatly passionate about?” The title of the essay stared at her from across the table. In less than two seconds, a long list of her passions had already formed in her mind—language, biology, physics, chemistry and mathematics—were just some of them. However, memories of her being at the disco earlier that night came flooding back. Distracted, she stared into space, wondering if her passions were comparable to the passionate dancing and zest for life her friends were all filled with.

The grandfather’s clock struck, which meant that it was now midnight. “If I am not passionate about my hobbies, why am I staying up so late to write even though the exams have ended a long time ago?” Somehow, she still remained unconvinced. Thinking that perhaps she should find something she truly enjoyed to write about, she gazed aimlessly around her room, desperate for inspiration. Suddenly, her eyes fell on her violin case, dusty from more than half a decade of being untouched.

***

Sandra was a promising young violinist then, who caught the attention of everyone who heard her play. Exceptionally gifted, she astonished audiences and critics alike. Even though she was only ten, she was already proclaimed to be a true prodigy like famous composers Mozart and Mendelssohn. She was a familiar face in concert halls, bringing orchestras who performed with her as their soloist to platinum status. The skills of improvisation and arranging music according to her style, yet retaining its original essence and beauty, were almost instinctive. According to the media, she would someday rise to world fame, making revolutionary movements to violin music. For the next two years, her fame continued to rise rapidly, her enormous popularity and highly impressive skills causing her to always be in the limelight.

However, things changed. Carried away by her violin practices, Sandra gradually lost interest in her studies. Previously an A-star student, scoring ‘B’s and even ‘C’s were now the norm for her. All day long, she was lost in a separate world where only she and her violin existed. Sandra, previously a friendly and humble girl, also became increasingly withdrawn and arrogant towards her friends. Although she never mentioned it, it was obvious she thought she was a cut above the rest. Her parents, teachers and friends began to look at her in a different light: instead of the kind smile they wore at the thought of her, they now wore a cold grimace on their faces.

The inevitable last straw came when Sandra failed her overall examinations. Before her reputation of being a violin virtuoso rocketed sky-high, failing was a taboo subject, too appalling to even think of. Now that she was a well-known bona fide prodigy, she felt she was studying just ‘for fun’ as she would eventually become a violinist and not need much academic education. She just shrugged off her failure and tossed her report book at her parents, thinking they would be equally indifferent.

“Oh my goodness Sandra, what on earth has happened?” Mr. Tan hollered at Sandra from the living room downstairs.

Too busy practicing her violin, Sandra did not bother to reply.

Without warning, both Mr. and Mrs. Tan stormed upstairs and into Sandra’s room. Mr. Tan violently snatched away his daughter’s violin and shoved her report book at her. “What is the meaning of this?” he demanded.

Sandra was speechless.

Mrs. Tan took one look at her daughter’s results before bursting into tears. “Your father and I spent so much time, money and effort to let you maximize your potential. No doubt, your violin skills are good, but what about your academic results? If you don’t pass, you won’t be able to have a bright future, no matter how good you are at violin. What if you go on the streets one day? You have let us down… really let us down…”

An icy, uncomfortable silence filled the room.

“You talk rubbish!” Sandra bellowed. Deep down inside her, she knew her parents were right, she felt that as a famous child prodigy, she could not give up her pride.

Incensed, Mr. Tan could not believe that this unruly, impolite girl standing in front of him was his daughter. His daughter, who had once been a courteous and intelligent young lady, had once aced in both her studies and violin and was well-liked by both teachers and peers. Now, however, she had become a withdrawn person, too obsessed with her violin to even give a care about anything else. Perhaps, he thought, the violin was doing more harm than good.

“You can toss that violin aside from now on!”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

Enraged, Mr. Tan continued,” You lost yourself, buried deep inside the fame of being a famous celebrity. I’m telling you, you have to be a normal person now. I am going to sell this Stradivari violin. It will bring in lots of money and also help a violinist who deserves it more than you do.”

For a moment, none of them could believe what he had said. Sandra was shocked. Once again, silence enveloped the room. The hoarse sobbing of Sandra interrupted the now-stunned silence that soon filled the room. She knew that pride came before a fall, but she never did imagine that it would cost her the source of her pride—her violin.

Sandra’s quiet crying soon turned into hoarse weeping. How she had took her expensive violin for granted! How she had kept a distance away from all her friends, thinking that she was of a much higher calibre than them! Now that her violin was taken away from her, she was left all alone in this fast-paced world. She felt now she was worse off than her friends—they may not have such a special talent, but had aced their school examinations at least. Now she was left with nothing—no excellent academic results and no violin skills to complement her either. How she wished she could at least take one last look at it, and play it for just one last time. At least, she thought, she would be able to cherish that memory in her heart for eternity…

“No!” Sandra’s scream pierced through their minds. “Let me keep it, at least. Even if I can’t play it, the thought of it still being next to me… is comforting.”

Filled with sudden emphaty for his daughter, Mr. Tan agreed. From then on, the violin was stowed away in the shadiest corner of Sandra’s room. The case was tightly shut, shutting out the dust that failed to enter, shutting out the media’s surprise, shutting out Mr. and Mrs. Tan’s disappointment and shutting out Sandra’s pride and dreams. At first, Sandra suffered from ‘withdrawal symptoms’—she became much more withdrawn and cried herself to sleep almost every night. However, without her violin to distract her, she soon regained her original drive and tenacity to excel. Friends, whom she had looked down upon and distanced herself, repaired the much-negleted bond with her. Top grades appeared in her report book once more. Her violin was now neglected, as promised. Her shelves, which had once been filled to the brim with a wide repertoire of violin music, was now crammed with encyclopedias and other books of significant academic value. Day by day, she forgot her past—her violin, her academic failures and her withdrawal from friends. Highly focused on her work, her only priority was to have the best academic results anyone could dream of and get her long-cherished wish of becoming a doctor.

***
Alone in her room, she realized that she had been different from others almost her entire life. When she was younger, she attracted attention with her violin skills. Now older, she amazed everyone with her high academic results. Yes, it was glorifying to achieve such outstanding results, but was she doing it all with passion? While she crammed in endless amounts of knowledge into her mind, did she even enjoy even a single minute of it? When she was a violinist, there had been no question whether or not she liked what she was renowned for. Now that the her violin was out of bounds, was she still enjoying life, living it the way she wanted it to be?

Impulsively, Sandra reached over and took hold of her violin case. Flicking off the layers of dust that had accumulated there for years, she opened it. There her long-lost best friend lay, looking no different than how it looked seven years ago. She stroked it lovingly, then embraced it. Struck by another bout of impulse, she was instantly tempted to play on it, a luxury she was denied for many years of her life.

She got up and played her first ever concert piece with an orchestra—Tchaiskovsky Violin Concerto. Even though she had not played this piece for a long time, her fingers were still adept, her sense of hearing still sensitive to the many dynamic changes. She was still in full technical control of her violin and even managed to improvise the music as she played. Even after those years of estrangement, she realized that she still possessed a great love for her violin. Her dream of becoming a violinist was again noticed.

Yet, she still had to be weighed down by the many things in life she yearned for, but did not actually know if she was passionate about them. The university admission essay was just one of them—she was enrolling into a top-ranking university as a medical student, so naturally, the answer they wanted to hear was to be involving medicine. She penned out the words in her head,” In my entire life, I have always wondered why people are always falling prey to sicknesses, diseases and ultimately, death. I once saw a doctor rescuing a sick patient from the claws of death and have been inspired by that scene ever since. Thus, I have a passion and deep desire to do the same…” But she could not bring herself to write it on paper. Suddenly, she realized that she had been chasing empty goals and empty dreams all these years after quitting violin. She had been living an empty life, devoid of any happiness and passion.

In the dead of the night, she realized her true passion had remained the same all these years—violin. The mathematical and science concepts she had learnt after all these years became foreign to her. It’s pointless doing something I don’t even like, she thought. Maybe it’s better not to study medicine. Determined to make a magnificent comeback with her violin, her chance and hope of ever being satisfied as a doctor was now smaller than a microbe. Without any hesitation, she wrote the word “VIOLIN!” on the application form, then tore it up and threw it away.

dokays right. it sucks!