You know what? I'm really tired.

Physically, I'm ok, just that mentally, I'm superrrr.. drained. I guess I've come to the point where neither words nor tears can ever express what I feel now. Where my heart should have been is just an empty vacuum, devoid of any emotions lol.

I'm really disgusted by what I see, and the worst part is that I can't do anything to stop it. I'm glad I've told myself not to love others so easily. (When I say love, I'm talking about loving people in general; not only in terms of romantic relationships.) This is the opposite to what the Bible says but nvm. I know you're supposed to love everyone unconditionally just like how Christ loved us; no matter how unworthy they may be, we must love them. But seriously, when they hurt/irritate/upset us, is the love really worth it? It's like, you know you're in for a whacking when you provoke someone, but you provoke him anyway.

But without love, the world would be even more cold and hard, right? :/

What a way to celebrate Christmas! Christ is love, but I'm losing faith in love..


MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! :)

Wow, it's been a long long while since I lasted updated. To be frank, I've gotten rid of most of my blogging addiction already.

Well, I didn't go for church camp D: I really hope that God, my caregroup and the rest of my church friends are not angry with me! It's just that missing band camp isn't exactly the right thing to do. I'd miss a normal practice but not band camp. However, I feel that God has revealed His plans to me in another way. During this band camp, I feel that I was able to bond a lot more with my section :) I'm not trying to sound corny here, but I think it is my duty as a senior and SL to be there for my juniors especially during this time -- intensive training. More importantly, God help me to realize, once again, how deep is my love for music. Yes, I was aware that music is an important part of my life, but I thought I could abandon it for more important things e.g. studies. (I went on piano hiatus a few weeks prior to EOYs, and my technique sucks now.) :( but come to think of it, the day I abandon music will probably be the saddest day of my life. I could feel the excitement and exuberance of worship coursing through the blood in my veins as I played my cello; it's not even my first instrument. Yet I felt so happy playing it. I don't know if I was daydreaming, but I seemed to sense Jesus being happy with what I was doing.

Which leads me to recall what Ms Low said to me after looking through my portfolio earlier this year. I had written that I completed my piano Grade 8 exam in Sec 1, and was now aiming for my Diploma. She asked me if it might have been God's plan for me to eventually become a concert pianist. But I told her no, competition is tough and I'm nothing special; furthermore, it isn't very practical in Singapore.

Then why do I keep fantasizing about performing solos after solos, concertos after concertos?!?! o.o

Because that's what I really like? What I really really want?

But I feel that choosing a career is more about practicality, not so much about what you like. True, you don't choose a career you totally detest, but it must definitely give you a sense of security with regard to tomorrow.

Now I'm stuck at a crossroad, unsure of what to do =.= shall just wait and see how God reveals His plans at the appropriate times..

[edit/]
The Bible says it's important to love, but sometimes it's really hard :/ when the people you love constantly hurt and disappoint you and let you down, what is the purpose of loving them? Yes it's true that love is a nice feeling to have around, but when you don't experience love, you don't know what you're missing out on, so it won't really hurt you I guess. But when you have loved and lost, you might not be able to withstand it emotionally. So is it really worth it to love others? And what is the point of believing in love?

Confused - beyond tears;
My nicenice msn nick :)

Ok random -.-

So my fate is sealed. And I miss you ):

Haiz I seriously wonder how much more do I need to keep sacrificing for SOME people. A little bit is ok but sometimes it gets too ._____.

On a brighter note, I read Jacq's blog and 1 post was on how God disciplines those He loves (you know the one in Hebrews?).. He challenges you through tough times so you are able to grow. I recently realized that this is what has been happening to me these few years, coz He wants me to grow in the area of faith. Which is what I've been seriously lacking for so long.

It all started with PSLE results. I wouldn't say I was the most hardcore mugger P6 student ever, but I believed that I put in my fair share of work too. So when I got 257, my world totally crashed. My hopes, dreams and plans were gone with the wind; so were my entire family's expectations of me. (A lot of people predicted that I would get around 260+) My godmother, whom I perceive to be a strong Christian, was concerned and prayed for me.. she got this answer: this was entirely God's plan.

Because of my PSLE fiasco, from then on I was convinced that God's perfect plan would be my worst nightmare. And when life didn't get better, I still believed in God, but I also believed that I would always be the unlucky one -- never the head, always the tail..

... Which was what caused me to begin backsliding around 1 or 2 weeks ago. Suddenly, I was wondering, why would a good God allow all this crap to be happening in my life? Is it worth it to serve Him and follow Him, when what He wants for you is what you absolutely despise? I was totally confused. I thought, maybe it's better if I become a free thinker; I don't have to worry about following a less-than-exemplary life's path, and God can worry about one less Christian who is not walking right with Him. But on the other hand, part of me still knew that I needed God, coz life's battles and challenges may just be too daunting to handle alone.

I also thought of laying off church, prayer, Bible reading and the like for one or two months, before returning back to Christ. But that idea didn't fully appeal to me either.

Then a few days later, I was reading the Bible and some verses (which I forgot -.-) spoke very clearly to me: God knew my plight. Suddenly my faith became stronger, and I decided that yes, I will remain a Christian. And now, I have decided that I won't just serve Christ, I will be His faith-filled servant. :D

Sigh, I know Jessica (sheperd) and all my other CG mates are super worried about this.. instead of responding well to God's tests, I back out. God, I'm so sorry :( please forgive me!!

So I've decided on writing a long letter to God, telling Him exactly what happened, how I feel and what caused me to backslide. I know that He already knows all this by the back of His hand, but I just want to tell Him everything in writing. I'll probably destroy it after I complete it, or chuck it in a drawer full of scrap paper that I don't touch.. whatever it is, I don't think I'm showing it to anyone :P

I'm starting my journey of faith from scratch. It's scary sometimes, believing in something you cannot see and have absolutely no proof of. But that's how God works -- through faith-filled miracles. So Lord, I pray that You grant me faith, courage, hope and trust in You.. and please don't let me backslide again. Amen.

LAYER ONE: Spell your name with animals
Lion
Insects
Schnauzer
Hen
Ant


LAYER TWO:
Name: Lisha
Birthday: 18 March 93'
Nick Name: Sha!
Location: Singapore
Eye Colour: Black
Natural Hair Colour: Brown
Right or left: Right

LAYER THREE:
Shoes you wore today: Pumps
Your perfect pizza: I like all kinds. No particular favourite.
Best holiday: USA 2 years ago! <3>
Most missed memory: :D got a lot lah. 3H 08' 2J '07 etcetc.

LAYER FOUR:
How many pets do you have: 1 hamster! (:
If you got to go anywhere in the world, where would you go: New York. The Holy City (is it in Jerusalem?) Anywhere in Europe. Russia. California.. again!!! :) :) :)
The last movie you saw at cinemas: Enchanted.. ok I know I'm super outdated it was like.. last year?!?!
Who you went with: My cousin Eunice! =)

LAYER FIVE:
Pepsi or Coke: COKE.
McDonald’s or Burger King: MACS.
Adidas or Nike: Fine with both, but I like Nike more. Adidas is cheaper though..
Lipton or Nestea: Not much difference, but probably Nestea lah. Hahaha.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Depends. Usually choc ba..

LAYER SIX:
Do You…Curse: SURE. YES IT'S MY GUILTY PLEASURE xD A HABIT I CAN NEVER SEEM TO KICK.. (much to the dismay of a lot of people >.<)
Do you sing: Sometimes, not very often though.
Get motion sickness: Yup. Quite a lot.
Think you’re a health freak: No lah. I eat anything that's nice. :P
Get along with your parents: Yup :) at least I TRY to k!
Play an instrument: Yeah, 2 in fact.

LAYER SEVEN: In the past month…
Drank alchohol: Yup, at my grandfather's birthday party dinner! -x3
Number of Drugs: Never. I didn't even take panadol when I was practically dying from the pain yesterday ok!
Gone to the mall: Duh =.=
Eaten an entire pizza: No?!?! My stomach will be swollen and I'll gain 2kg T_T
Been on stage: No..
Gone skating: No..
Made homemade cookie: No.. only a brownie for my mum's birthday.

LAYER EIGHT:
Have you ever… Been in big trouble with your parents: Yeah, I ever cursed and swore in front of them >.< (exact words used are too atrocious to be typed here!)
Lied about your age: Lol yeah. When I was going to get my ears pierced. I was about 4 or 5 and I told the person I was 8 =.=
Sed a fake ID: No?

LAYER NINE:
Age you hope to be married: Late 20s.. 28 or 29 will be just nice.. 30 won't be a bad idea too :)
Number of Children: 2 -- 1 boy 1 girl, or 2 girls. (PEOPLE DON'T LAUGH WHEN YOU SEE THIS.. I WANT KIDS OK!! Though I don't really like them -.-)

LAYER TEN: In a man / woman… (opposite of you)
Best eye colour: Black? Typical Asian colour lah. Hahaha.
Best hair colour: Brown/black? Natural Asian colour.. I don't like guys who dye their hair in all kinds of punky nonsense colour.
Age: My age or up to 3 years older will be ok. Don't wanna date a younger guy.
Height and weight: Not too short or tall can already lah. How do yu judge a guy's weight? Oh well, he just needs some muscles and not be too fat and I'll be happy already :) (actually our class guys are quite short leh -.-)

LAYER ELEVEN:
Number of people you could trust in your life right now: 0. AWWW SADFACE ): (actually I like it this way lah. Hahahaha.)
Number of tattoos: None. Don't ever intend to get one.
Number of piercings: 2. But I don't mind getting more ear piercings though :)

Koped this from Theresa, whoever wants to do it can just do :)

Just for a laugh! :D


This is the outline you're supposed to fill it in.

Dear -someone-,I don’t really know how to tell you this, but (_1_).I think I realised it (_2_), (_3_) and I saw you (_4_) (_5_). I’m sure you’re (_6_) enough to understand (_7_). I’m returning (_8_) to you, but I’ll keep (_9_) as a memory. You should also know that I (_10_) and (_11_).(_12_),-Your name-


1. What’s the colour of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is overRed- Our affair is over
White – I’m joining the Convent
Black - I dislike your eyelashes
Green - Our socks don’t match
Grey - You’re a pervert
Yellow - I’m selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You’re mean
Other - I’m in love with your cat

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February - Last year when you peed your pants
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When you smacked my butt
August - When I saw the purple monkey
September - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
October - When I quoted Forest Gump
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Lasagna- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat - With George Bush and Stephen Harper

4. What’s the colour of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - IgnoreBlue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put whipped cream on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over

5. What’s the colour of your undies?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
None – My prized statue of Michael Jackson in the nude
Other - The elephant in the corner

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs- Man
O.C.- Emotional
One Tree Hill- Open
Heroes- Frostbitten
Lost- High
House- Sly
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news- Scarred
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy- Senile
Top Model- Middle-class
Annat- Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you areS
ad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn’t exist
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Ashamed - That I’m allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Silly - That there is no solution to you being a dumbkid
Other - That your driving sucks

8. What’s the colour of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - Your Elton John poster
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from Vegas
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your car

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
C/D - The oil tank from your car
E/F - Your neighbour’s dog
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of that blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your glass eye
Y/Z - Your credit cards

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
C/D - Never will forget that night
E/F - Always wanted to break your leg
G/H – Hate your cooking
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Will tell the authorities that you did not steal that whale in the back yard
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Was interviewed about the car you stole
Q/R - Always will remember the pep talks
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z – Am better off without you

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship is ruined
Beer – you should stop picking your nose
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m incarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Wine – Thanks for the Cocaine
Cider – I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
Mineral water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Liquor - I chew on your earlobes while you sleep
Other – I’m scratching my ass as you read this

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex-change
England - Good luck in jail
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cowGreece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Kiss my butt
France – With tears of sadness
Spain - Go drown yourself


My result:
Dear -:D, I don’t really know how to tell you this, but I dislike your eyelashes. I think I realised it when your dwarf bit me, at the mental hospital and I saw you sit on my boyfriend. I’m sure you’re cowardly enough to understand that you need a sex-change. I’m returning your toe ring and your couch cushions to you, but I’ll keep your left ear as a memory. You should also know that I get sick when I think of your feet and I chew on your earlobes while you sleep. Greetings to your frog Leonard, Lisha (:

OMG HAHAHAHAHA WTH ^^

Omg omg oww oww owwwwwwwww :(

The hormonal pills I took last month caused my body clock to screw itself so its presence was unexpected. *Hint: note why I used red for 'its' lol.* Initially, I was wondering why my stomach was so screwed these days (I had diarrohea yesterday night btw) and I thought today's cramp was yet another stomache. But it turned out to be a growing pain that just couldn't be extinguished. So I spent some time sitting on the toilet bowl, hoping that everything would be stablized, then sat on a chair. It worsened HORRIBLY.

So I went to take a drink, with the intention of taking hot water. Then I go tyco the machine and ended up with Expresso =.= so I drank it down anyway. Then I took hot water again lor. And decided to ignore the pain.

Shit, bloody mistake. Rushed to the toilet --> threw up the Expresso + water solution :( my back was like breakinggggg from the pain. Squatted down at the corner of the cubicle, but I'd 'progressed' to sitting on the floor!! (Wanted to lie down actually, but since the toilet's so dirty, so yeah ._____.) A lot of people were like "Are you ok?" Yes I'm ok, just in great pain, it happens every month.. no there's nothing I can do about it.. I probably have fibroids.. blah blah blah.

And so I scared quite a lot of people -.-

Damn I can't go on living like this! Rolling around in a mess of pain and vomit.. it's just HORRIBLE kayy. Sigh. I wanna just go to a gynae and get it sorted out and I hope my mummy will let me :) (ok she believes in exercise. But walao, I'll still be in pain regardless of whether I exercised or not.)

Hey I've got stuff to do now, bye! :D

Tagged by Siting! :)


QUIZ!

1) The person who tagged you is? Siting

2)Your relationship with him/her is? Classmate & friend

3)Your 5 impressions of him/her is?
1. Se4 bei3 bei2.. well we should all know why right!

2. Creative -- who else will be able to think of a modern interpretation of Macbeth for our class? ;)

3. Has a sense of humour, due to the same reason as the one above.

4. Secretive -- we don't know much about her love life LOL.

5. Smart -- her Chinese and Maths are like. Zomg. Puts me to shame T.T

4)The most memorable thing he/she has done for you?
Actually there were lots of things lah. Siting is a very memorable person leh!! Hmmm I guess it will be the assigning of characters for Macbeth when Yeuk Ho wanted to change seating arrangement lor. Not for me lah, but provided a lot of fun, laughter and entertainment anyway ^^

5)The most memorable thing he/she has said to you?
She has said too many memorable stuff for me to be able to list them here. Anyway they are all around the same context, which 3H people should be able to guess xD

6)If he/she become your lover, you will?
No way. We're both girls and I'm not les. Not sure about her though.. (anyway I think she's interested in Jin Xin or Yitian or ** lol.)

7)If he/she become your lover, the thing he/she has to improve on will be?
Well in the first place that won't be possible, see the reasons stated in the above question. But anyway in response to this question, I would appreciate if she doesn't become so se4.

8) If he/she becomes your enemy, you will?
Again, this will not be possible. But if it does happen then no choice lor :( (CHOY!!!)

9)There is no spoon question.
Huh? Was there ever a fork question?

10) What you want to tell him/her now is?
1. Have fun in Australia! :)
2. I want to go out with you
3. You still haven't done anything with the Macbeth blog yet!! Argh!!!

4. Go check my private blog for more interesting updates!

5. I NEVER SEEM TO SEE YOU ONLINE!! If I do I'll tell you a lot more things lah :)

11) Your overall impression of him/her is?
Creative and se4 and funny.

12) How do you think people around you feel about you?
1 word: SADISTIC. We all know why don't we xD


13) The characteristics you love of yourself are?
My sadism? Lol got a lot more lah, but if I write them here wait yall call me zilian =.=

14) On the contrary, characteristics you hate of yourself are?
I admit I can get too sadistic sometimes T.T if I write more here it will be like I'm washing my dirty linen in public.

15) The most ideal person you want to be is?
MESELF. :)

16) For people that care and like you, say something to them.
Thank you and have a nice day! :D


17) Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you
1. Siting -- I wanna see how creative Shakespeare's interpretations can get!

2. Yitian

3. Muni

4. Cherisse

5. Ziying

6. Huihsien

7. Valencia -- coz you never do quiz before!!!
8. Elvin
9. Chrystal
10. Fiona (Teh)



18) Who is No. 6 having a relationship with?
No idea.. I think she only wants to improve her relationship with God :)

19) Is No. 9 a male or female?
Female

20) If No. 7 and No. 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
I guess it will be quite funny. But they're both not les so yeah..

21) What is No. 2 studying?
How to be more se4? xP

22) When was the last time you had a chat with No. 3?
A few weeks ago, before the holidays.

23) What kind of music band does No. 8 like?
Not very sure.. All American Rejects? According to his blogskin..

24) Does No. 1 have any siblings?
No

25) Will you woo No. 3?
No. Coz:
1. We're not les
2. She would be more interested in cows lol.

26) How about No. 7?
LOL?!?! No duh =.=

27) Is No. 4 single?
I think so..

28) What is the surname of No. 5?
Lim I think..

29) What are the hobbies of No. 10?
God-centred activities: praise and worship, prayer, reading her Bible, evaxing.. I'm not sure what else she does leh >.<

30) Do No. 5 and No. 9 get along well?
Yup, definitely =)

31) Where is No. 2 studying at?
Dunman High 3H 08'

32) Say something about No. 1.
A bit se4, creative and crazy..

33) Have you tried developing feelings for No. 8?
Well he's my cousin after all -.-

34) Where does No. 9 live?
Not very sure.. Pasir Ris?

35) What colour does No. 4 like?
Not very sure.. but she seems like the kind who will like black and pink leh..

36) Are No. 1 and No. 5 best friends?
They don't know each other

37) Does No. 1 have any pets?
Do ***** and ** count? xD

38) Is No. 7 the sexiest person in the world?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. WHAT A QUESTION!!! NO I DON'T THINK SHE'S THAT SEXY (IF SHE EVEN IS).. AWW SADFACE :(

39) What is No. 10 doing now?
How I know? I only know that fulfilling the Great Commission will be one of the more important things on her to-do list.

Ok done! :) EH SITING GO READ MY ANSWERS!! I PROMISE YOU'LL HAVE A GOOD LAUGH!!

Omg omg omg omg omg this is superrrrr interesting! :D

Went for a meeting today (ok half the time I didn't understand what was going on -.-) but I think it was good exposure anyway. Continued with the rest of the stuffs after that; the more I do it, the more I know what I want to do next time yay.

Am really looking forward to the day I can finally embark on it!

[edit/]
More Randomness From Yesterday:
I used to think that a courtroom was cool. I still do, but it's not like there are no other cool areas! Hmmm now I think I will be in a dilemma next time O.O but this path seems to be a nice one to take.

Ok, post completed. In about 2 minutes :)

Hmmm so I've been having a reallyyy fun day today! It's only 2.03pm and I'm already writing my second post of the day :) not due to boredom though.

It's fun learning things we sure can't learn in the classroom :D Love it to bits and pieces. It helps me to embrace my hopes for the future, so that what was merely a distant dream can become a path to reality. I'm glad I was given this opportunity to find out what I really want, and really work towards it. It's very interesting; way beyond the regular stuff you get with regard to modern-day education.

I know I'm lag, but congrats to Presidential Candidate Mr. Barack Obama for winning the presidential campaign!!! Omg he's totally so cool can. Read his book "Dreams From My Father" and I can say, it's a must-read. It's not just a biography of some random American who happened to have a long-lost family from another continent, hidden away in an ulu place in the world. It's about the daily struggle to uncover your past, treasure the present and use them to assure a better tomorrow. Well it seems like Obama's a pretty sentimental guy, in addition to being charismatic and popular and all that. Haha.. I'm sure I'm not the only one who prefers him to McCain and Clinton right. :P

Am still miffed and worried by lots of things, and I just hope that everything will turn out fine. May need to just learn not to worry so much -.- if not I'll have more wrinkles (omg a few weeks ago I noticed that I have wrinkles around my eyes when I smile and a frown is permanently etched on my face... at the TENDER age of FIFTEEN!!!) and get white hair soon (CHOY!!!)

[edit/]
Randomness
Many people think that it's important to have a servant's heart -- just serve wholeheartedly without expecting anything in return; this is the meaning of true dedication. However, some others may think it is how people drain their energy unneccessarily. Where, then, do you draw the line between dedicated help and foolishness? Or does dedicated help equal to foolishness? Or is it just plain foolish to be thinking this way? People tell you all kinds of things, but ultimately, it is you who make the choice to believe in what you want, in what you think is right. Only you can have that power of mind to choose your choices, to choose your ideals, to choose your values and beliefs. People may think otherwise, but if you think that what you are doing is right, your conscience remains clear and pure. Only you are responsible for what you do; no matter how much people attempt to sway and pressure you, only you are responsible for yourself. No matter how tough the going gets, it is always important to stick to what you believe in, no matter how painful or tough it may be.

And that, readers, is the meaning of true courage.

HEYYYYY PEOPLE!!! :D :D :D

Turns out that HSSRP Project Review was for everyone -.- but nevertheless, it offered good exposure :) competition was super stiff, they only chose 5 out of 19 groups, so like duh I didn't get in. But I have no regrets anyway :)

Have to edit my HSSRP paper for publication. Luckily nothing too major needs to be done =D thanks so much Mdm Nora xD was quite funny actually, seeing sentences 7-8 lines long at least xD

Wheee I'm slacking now xD xD xD you guys will never guess where I am.

GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK

Omg people I'm scared :( Matthews 19:26 " With God all things are possible." Ok, I'll do my best and let God do the rest :D I promise I won't let yall down yay.


But I'm still scared T.T

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG YAY! :D :D :D




THANK GOD!!!




You know why?







*highlight the line below this to get the answer.. I don't want to spoil the surprise ;)
I'M GOING FOR HSSRP PROJECT REVIEW TMR!!


WHEW. This has come as a SUPER GREAT BIG relief to me. Was damn worried that I couldn't get in--firstly, due to stiff competition from imba people in other schools (T.T) and secondly, due to a blog entry I saw on Phyllis' (my primary school friend now in Nanyang) blog. For days I couldn't eat/sleep well properly coz of this -.- and to make things worse, my stomach really enjoyed giving itself pains for no reason at all.

Haha, luckily I decided to do a powerpoint presentation early just in case, if not tonight no need to sleep already lol. But I haven't started rehearsing, and while I believe the Holy Spirit will be speaking through me as I present to my assessors tomorrow, I can't hope that my mouth will move by itself :X

Whew, 9 months of blood and sweat.. I suppose I spent a lot of time doing HSSRP instead of what most people were doing--studying. My grades have inevitably been lower than what I would have wanted, but I'm glad I've "taken" from this mentorship programme. Many times I was super tempted to give up--my research was on Economics, which obviously I had no clue about--but I'm glad I stayed on. From collading surveys to monitoring the inflation level of different commodities and plotting graphs on an online software that often caused my graph to screw up and hence I had to redo everything umpeenth times (sometimes the process was so disgustingly tedious), I guess I have a better idea of the meaning of hard work :X I'm not implying that I'll turn into a workaholic overnight (OBVIOUSLY I WON'T!!) but before my HSSRP commenced, I don't think I was very diligent either :/ I'm glad that besides learning the fundamentals of Economics, I was able to see through the murky waters of unfamiliar facts and theories of the subject, and convert them into something I was able to understand. Yes, Economics has proved itself to be a very interesting subject, and I really hope I will be able to take it in Year 5 :)

This project has also taught me the importance of time management skills. With academics (triple science + BSP + MEP), band (luckily SYF did not take place this year), piano & cello lessons and other miscellaneous things cropping up along the way, I can't say that I could spare a lot of time for this project. But I guess commitments are not meant to be broken, and especially since this was a golden opportunity to me, I felt that all the more it was meant to be taken seriously. As the only student from Dunman High to have been awarded HSSRP with an external mentor, I believed this to be a great honour to both the school and myself. Like what my teacher-supervisor, Mdm Nora, told me, I should make the school proud through this project. As the results for the certificates are not out yet, I can't be sure if I got a Certificate of Participation or a Certificate of Merit, but Mdm Nora said that those who were shortlisted for the Project Review are likely to be awarded a Certificate of Merit. Even if I don't get a Merit, I'll still be thankful that I have a chance to participate in and gain exposure from the Project Review. I'm still learning, but I want to be able to give thanks in all circumstances :)

I would also like to thank several special people here, because they truly helped me in one way or another:

Dr Lin - Thank you for mentoring me for 9 months or so. I'm really happy that you didn't mind my noobish-ness and laggi-ness in this project, but instead you provided me with such patient guidance. You gave me the big picture of the recent inflation and how best to write the paper, including many detailed ideas that had never occured to me. I find it very remarkable that even though you may be a learned university lecturer, you took time to mentor and help me, a Sec 3 student, and did your best to inspire me to go further into my journey of Economics. Even though we have only met a few times--a total of 3 hours--your kindness was very clearly reflected through those meetings and through the emails we exchanged. It was my very first mentorship so naturally I was apprehensive, but you never tried to intimidate me in any way. My first mentorship has been made so memorable thanks to you, a nice mentor who has willingly lighted the way for me.

Mdm Nora - As my teacher-supervisor of this project, I guess there were many times when you must have been fed-up with me :/ but you never once gave me a dressing-down (though I know I deserved it -.-) instead, you continued to steer me back onto the right path. Even though you mentioned that Economics was not particularly your forte, you still tried to provide me with lots of input, to the best of your ability. I am really grateful for your enormous dedication throughout those months--you introduced me to Mdm Leong, whom you felt would be in a better position to help me, painstakingly checked my research paper format, editted my grammar and references (to this day, I just CANNOT understand the APA format T_T), which must have been very annoying on your part. Yet you never failed to greet me with a few friendly words whenever we met after this project. I am really happy that I had such a kind teacher-supervisor who would go out of the way just to make sure that my needs were met. Thank you so much! :)

Mdm Leong - Even though initially you were not involved in this project, you still willingly took on the role of helping me. As a HOD, you must be very busy, but you still managed to spare time and effort to make sure that I was being supplemented with the relevant knowledge in Economics. I still remember how you gave me a copy of your tutorials, notes and even articles from The Economist, as you felt it would be beneficial for me to subscribe. Thanks to you, I was able to see how Economics was so applicable to daily life. You have definitely inspired me and helped me to wish to pursue Economics at a higher level. I definitely want to study it in Senior High, and although I want to become a lawyer, who knows I may end up studying Economics one day. It was an obligation, not a duty, for you to help me, especially to this great extent, yet you did it willingly. When I wrote you a thank-you email, you replied that I should thank Mdm Nora instead. But I know you have put in a lot for me, even though you knew it was unlikely that you would be able to get back anything in return. Thank you for your selflessness and readiness to impart your invaluable knowledge of Economics to me ^^

My parents - You knew that I wanted to succeed in this mentorship, and you personally wanted to see it become reality, too. As you were not working in the Economic field, you could only provide me with the layman's perspective of inflation, but this hindrance did not deter you from helping me. I may never say this to you personally, and you don't come here, but I really want to thank both of you for what you have done. I've not been a superb daughter -.- but you've never washed your hands off helping me, even though nothing could stop you if you ever wanted to. Now that I got shortlisted for the Project Review, I really want to share my joy with both of you :D it's a pity that you can't go to NTU to see me present; but even though you may not be with me physically, you are always with me in spirit. Many people say that in this world, no matter how nice others may be to you, your parents are the only ones who really, truly care for you and love you. Yes, I know this saying is true. All those late nights, all those tedious efforts, all those frustrations on your part.. at least now you know it didn't go to waste. Thank you so much; Mum, I know you'll be praying for me like mad tomorrow, and Dad, though I know that you won't due to your strong atheist beliefs, but you promising to check through my powerpoint presentation and public speaking skills aren't unimportant either.

Aunty Casslynn - as my godmother, you provided me with lots of encouragement and spiritual support - through prayer. As my parents' friend, you could choose to be a silent bystander to my well-being, but you were genuinely concerned that everything went well. A staunch Christian, I know you must have prayed a lot for the success of my HSSRP, and when I called you just now, you told me to pray for favour, wisdom, clarity etc before I face my assessors tomorrow. You may not have been able to provide me with facts and theories I needed to complete my project, but nevertheless, you supported me. Thank you for all that you've done for me, from completing my survey form to making me have a constant presence in your prayers. Oh, and for nagging me to get closer to God. "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you." You reminded me that if we keep God in mind, He will bless us with more than what we need. Thank you in advance for praying for me tomorrow, and for willingly being involved in my life.

All my friends - All of you have definitely supported me throughout the 9 months, which is something I am really grateful to each and every one of you. Although I never mentioned it to any of you, but a kind word would encourage me to persevere on with my project. Thank you EB2, 3H etc.. I know that many of you kept my project in your prayers, and due to the large number of prayers, THE PRAYER HAS BEEN ANSWERED!! "Rmb that when 2 or 3 come together in His name, there He is in the midst of them." I won't say who told me this, but thanks to that person, I realized that the Word of God--the Bible--has again proved itself to be true. Jessica: Sheperd, I could see that you were very concerned that time when I seemed very tired during shepherding. Thanks for being such an awesome shepherd, who gave me much-needed spiritual support during those arduous moments. To all my friends who told me to persevere, thank you so much. Even though you were not able to do the survey (students are the only ones not that affected by the inflation I guess :X) whatever little thing you did for me will not go unnoticed or unappreciated. I am thankful for friends like you all, whose friendships were a major factor in me emerging unscathed from the project. =D

God - You were the most important One in the entire course of this project. Last year, I wasn't particularly great a Christian (I know I'm still not one; I sin BIG TIME! T.T) but among all the people You could have chosen, You chose me to be the one to do this project. I know I have disappointed and upset You many times (way too many times to count), but You still blessed me with the opportunity to get into HSSRP with NUS, and continued to bless me all the way. Just how I got a nice mentor and how Mdm Leong got involved were blessings in itself, not to mention everything else that You did for me. You know I'm not particularly academically-inclined, and that the Talent Development Programme was designed to help those people whose marks are like, zomg. Yet by grace, I, an ordinary student in Dunman High, could be given this golden opportunity that many crave for, but are unable to get. Like what someone told me, although my project is an individual one, I'm not alone, because I have You. Thank You for using so many people to speak to me countless times that this project would turn out well--including non-Christians like my Dad, and the most memorable MSN convo I ever had (we both know who was talking to me that day, haha.. but I believe You were talking to me through that person)--so that I would be reassured that You would use me to do this project to glorify Your name. It's amazing how I, an ordinary student in Dunman High, could be in HSSRP with more competent people from schools like Raffles, Nanyang, Hwa Chong etc, and yet my project could stand out. But it's not my work; I know You were working through me all this time. You met my needs throughout the whole project, so that I would be able to give yet another testimony on how Your wisdom, knowledge, grace and power helped me so much. When I was so scared on Sunday about my project, Pastor Khong preached about Your economy. I have not been going to FCBC for more almost 2 years, and it felt wonderful to hear Pastor Khong again. I don't think it was a coincidence that both my project and the sermon was on Economics, I know it was yet another time that you were reassuring me that everything would be alright. Lord I pray for forgiveness for sinning, then repenting, and then going back to sinning again, and I really want to thank You for all that You've done for me this whole time, or rather, my whole life. Yay You've made me the head, not the tail! :D Let me be used by You, so that I can fulfill the Great Commission, my life's purpose.. and more. In Jesus' most precious holy name, Amen!


Whoa ok, so that was a really long post. Shall go for band in the morning, then rehearse with Mdm Leong, then.. PROJECT REVIEW!! Ahh my blood is starting to turn cold now :/ oh well, pia presentation now, then hope and pray for the best tomorrow! :)

Yay am looking forward to Freedom Service this sat, to celebrate the end of EOYs! :D Ok, I admit my results are not worthy to be celebrated for, but to mark the end of my Sec 3 life, oh well :/ AND I WANNA BRING VISITORS TOO!

I'm so proud of myself. I walked home from school today! :D My feet have been hurting but I guess the calories I've burnt made it worth it. Don't worry, I live quite near the school, so it's not some 5-hour crazy journey BY FOOT from Buona Vista to Pasir Ris -.-

I love Beethoven's Piano Concerto No. 5 in Eb Major, the 'Emperor'. The first movement sounds so majestic, the second sounds so beautifully magical, and the third sounds like a very long2 zhong4 dance. Love it especially when Wang Haijie/Rubenstein is playing. And I think Vanessa-Mae's style is imba too. It is in times like this where I feel so inspired to improve my own playing, and yes, to work towards becoming a soloist. Sometimes I wish I can just abandon academics after A-levels and study music at a Russian Conservatory. (Not that I hate school subjects; I DO like them!) But the thought of soloing with a large orchestra is really a childhood dream. Sadly, I don't know if it will ever come true :/ Furthermore, I don't think Singapore is the right place for popularizing Classical Music, and I guess I want to stay here all my life..

I'M LISTENING TO THE FIRST MOVEMENT NOW AND IT'S OMGOSH SO PERFECT :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heUE4RNicEg
I wish I could play like him but a dream will always remain a dream =.="

Hmmm, band tomorrow. Before that we're going to the church/temple/mosque thing.. I hope I don't forget to bring my scarf haha. K random ;)

Oh, and some bad stuff has been happening but I guess the only solution is to pray and accept it with grace :( anyway the Bible says that just as slaves must obey and respect their masters, the masters must also remember that they too have a Master in heaven. Let no debt remain oustanding, except the debt to love one another. (Quoted from somewhere in Corinthians.) Unfortunately, this isn't the case in real life; the opposite is almost always true. :'(

Wait. The scenery in another of the Emperor Concerto's videos is so beautiful it's making my heart melt <3 <3 <3 but the piano tempo is so slowww it's making me want to sleep. And it doesn't help that now is 12.15am -.-

Grr I hope everything will turn out fine, coz I only want to be the head and not the tail, like what is said in Deuteronomy 28:13.

Well my technique DEFINITELY needs brushing up. Before I went on a piano hiatus before EOYs, it was ok but not superb. And just when I got the momentum, I had to stop it coz exams are obviously more important. I'm quite shocked that my endurance is somewhere down the drain. I can't play as many studies at 1 shot as I could before I took a break, and my Chopin Etude sounds like some Struggling Etude T_T

Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto No. 1 in Bb Minor sounds like some kind of magical fairytale. I've got the score (thanks to whoever uploaded it on the Internet so that people like me who cannot afford to lose anything except their printer it can have a copy. It's legal duh!) but I can't play it. AWW SADFACE :(

I'M SO SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYTHING.

So it's this time of the year once again, when EOY results have just been released.


I must say, I performed below expectations. Even though a lot of people found the papers difficult, there were people who did well, so yeah. I guess my GPA may not get >3 this year. Yes, this is how bad my results are. No wonder Ms Low is so concerned. Just pray that this won't repeat next year, or my MEP & HCL O-levels and Year 5 Subject Combi can go die already.

I know I sound incoherent in the above paragraph but whatever..

Sometimes I worry about what the future will hold in store for me when I have shit results like this. I hope nobody's born to be a loser :X

But I'm glad I didn't fail Chinese :D ok I failed my main paper by 1 mark, but other than that, everything's fine :D

I hope life will quickly take a turn for the better. Besides my shitty grades, there are a million and one things more on my mind now :/

I don't think I should start mugging so soon. If not I shall just lose steam and burn out at a crucial time next year. Hmmm, shall just take a good break and pia later on when the time calls for it!

P.s. my EOY grades really stink to the deepest pit of hell T.T

Omgosh.. such a POWERFUL service.. it's a must-watch!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZF-W2Jy2li8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvoCmwBPDyo&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blb40Lwcm0g&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNjyw3yscnw&feature=related

Wow, it's been a long while since I last updated..

Exams are finally over whew! :D Although I didn't really study (-.-) but I think I relied on God a lot more than what I usually did.

Anyway, here's a summary of what happened:
LA: My arguments weren't very well-structured, but HOPEFULLY I can scrape a B :D
History: Was quite rushed, but I guess there was still time to finish..
Math 1: Captain Jack Sparrow came to haunt me from last year T.T
Physics: They didn't kill us like the way I expected them to, but got some questions I didn't know how to do.. sigh..
Biology: Was one of the best this year I think. But I'm not very sure about the DNA and genes and chromosomes things :/
Chinese: SCREWED UP. Totally no time can. Left half of my chang wen suo duan blank, as well as my last few questions. I minused 20++ marks out of 110. Sigh. Hope I don't fail HCL (although I bet I did T.T)
Chemistry: I think it was better than the common tests, but some questions were quite difficult.
Math 2: Could have been better, but it was still do-able I guess :/

Haiz I hope I will do well. My results are SHIT enough as it is already. Sigh.

Went for East District Meeting today, but could only stay until the games ended. Couldn't hear Dennis preach.. damn sad :(

Nvm, meeting Fiona tomorrow morning and then going for karaoke with East Bee 2 in the afternoon!

Followed by class chalet on thurs.. rightfully I should be going tomorrow also, but oh well, must learn to put God first :)

Friday shall be spent doing I-don't-know-what.. ok I haven't made plans yet. Hopefully can go out with Hang Yin :D

Saturday: CHURCH! Been such a long time since I went (the last time I went was on 2nd September, the day I got Holy Spirit Baptized). Been only slightly more than a month, but it feels like 3 years since I last went =.= Pray that I can bring visitor(s) to the church.. and more!

My piano skills are worsening zzz. Attempted to play the pieces I played before going on a piano hiatus, but sadly, they suck now :(

Guess what.. I already kinda miss mugging T.T but nvm, shall just take a GOOD break these few months before pia-ing for sec 4! Long list of fun things to do now that EOYs are over, definitely not forgetting evaxing and ministry!

Feels great to revive my blog, with the weight of exams finally lifted off me.

Yup that's all for now; bye! (:

Will be on hiatus until after the EOYs, but will just manage a short post before I resume my mugging.

I don't know why but I agree with what Hillary said with regards to some people.. when they see you in school uni in public places, they think that you're someone who can be trampled upon. Omgosh, just now I was on this super crowded bus and there were hardly any empty spaces, so the crowd pushed me to near the door. The bus came to a stop, and this man and his wife wanted to alight. The wife was err.. horizontally challenged, so she was having a hard time even though I was having an equally hard time trying to make way for her.

The man was like," Why don't you go to the back?!?!" blah blah blah. Shout so loud in front of everyone, so uncivilized. I ignored him the first time, coz lol, it's best not to be so quarrelsome and defensive.

But when he got down the bus, he was still yelling at me like nobody's business. WTH. Is he blind or what.. cannot see that I was trying to make way for him and his wife. Bleh.. left with no choice, said (agitatedly?)," I was trying to make way." He continued shouting, so I retorted," FOR YOU." Zzz. -.-

***
And now for the amazing thing that happened yesterday night. :D

Everyone at home was asleep, so I was all alone mugging in the dining room. Even though the lights were on, I still felt scared T.T I heard the weird sounds of something with wheels (like you know those kinds of trolleys that are shelves.. my house has one) and it was just behind me! When I finally dared to turn around, I realized there was nothing there.

The sound couldn't have come from upstairs because it was, very obviously, just behind me.

I SENSED THERE WAS SOMETHING BEHIND ME THAT WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE :O

I WAS DAMN DAMN DAMN SCARED.

Quietly, I said," In Jesus' name, I drive out any demon that may be here."

It worked. After that one short but powerful sentence, there was one final time of the sound, and after that it completely went away. There were no more weird sounds to harrass me for the rest of the night. :D

Praise the Lord :D

***

Ok, I spent a long time updating. Time to get back to work, slacker! XD

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MSN?

IT JUST REFUSES TO SIGN ME IN, EITHER SAYING THAT THE SERVICE IS TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE OR THAT THERE'S A PROBLEM WITH MY CONNECTION. I EVEN TRIED EBUDDY BUT IT DIDN'T WORK EITHER.

Chem test: screwed ):

But I found out something really interesting today! Haha, I guess I'm still a noob at identifying such stuffs but I think I'm getting the gist of it now yay :)

I just received the best advice I could ever get on MSN just awhile ago :D

Thank you so much, dear friend. You know who you are. That few strong, impactful words encouraged me deeply. :)

Hmm since I don't think I will be updating this blog as much coz of EOYs I should just quickly do a short update now. :)

Thurs: Chem remedial (almost the whole class turned up O.O ) actually no lah, quite expected.. went out with Hang Yin, Theresa and Sijin to Tiong Bahru. Lunch + walk walk + something VERY embarrassing T.T

Couldn't go to Chung Cheng though, coz by the time I travel there from BV would be too late already :(

Fri: Mug..

Sat: Saw my godma and got nice stuff to eat yay yay :) kk I know I'm a pig but wdv -.- Was finally able to play Chopin Etude!!

Sun: New tuition class. Am able to understand the stuffs a lot better =D went my paternal grandparents' house for lunch, too. Seems like such a long time since I last went.

Mon: School reopens! :D Term 4 = MUG!! Something made me damn pissed off but I shall not elaborate here. Chionged math coz of Pop Quiz. Slept at around 2 or 3.

Tues: Ok but quite screwed in a sense. MY ALL-TIME OUCH-OUCH!! T.T wasn't able to concentrate during Math Pop Quiz as a result. Am so going to die T.T nearly unable to play for MEP prac, but later the pain became tolerable :) you know what? Vomiting works :)

Siting:" Lady Macbeth 产生了!!"
I wanted to laugh but the pain was killing me :' ( sigh.

CAN SOMEONE JUST GIVE ME DIRECTION?!?! I hate it, I really do.

Need to go touch up my HSSRP and pia for Chem. Well I see 6 x 10^23 moles of crap in front of me xD

Sometimes, we all wonder what the future holds in store for us. But many times, there are things along the way that we would rather not know about until the moment itself.

So actually I'm more Chinese than what I thought I was O.O

You adhere to the ideas of loyalty, honesty, sincerity, and duty.You respect authority and age. You believe in social harmony.You are big and bold. People consider you to be someone with a lot of potential.You are coming into your own right now, and you are figuring out your place in the world.

Holidays are quite boring.

Mug mug mug mug mug.

Went to school for chem yesterday. Almost the whole class was there; proves how muggerist 3H is -.- (ok I knew that since the beginning of the year. I'm the only lazy bum in class I guess.)

Maybe I should continue with my physics notebook huh. It's Friday already and I haven't unearthed 95% of my hw =.=

I RECEIVED HOLY SPIRIT BAPTISM TODAY. :D

Anyway, I went for Metarmophosis with East Bee 2 today (but Hui Hsien couldn't come). Was interesting.. they asked for people to join different ministries. But I don't think I can commit ): so I didn't sign up for any.

Then there was this game where every care group had to join hands/tie their waists with rafia and compete to see who could reach The Promised Land (Fort Canning) the fastest. Haha was quite fun lah. I guess it was exercise so I didn't feel too guilty about the soft drinks later :)

Went back to Nexus Auditorium. Made a new friend, Fiona from Chung Cheng, along the way back! Haha she had already been baptized with the Holy Spirit. Didn't know that so many people could talk in tongues in church.

Dennis talked about the Holy Spirit. I still have my sermon notes here with me, but I lazy type them out ><" then Pastor Shirley conducted the worship and omgosh seriously it was the best I've ever been to.

YES I CAN PRAY IN TONGUES NOW :D haha, get jealous ;) you know who you are..

Computer noobs never fail to amaze me too -.-

And the retarded way they are is exactly the same way they think the world works.

Sorry, but I have no patience with incompetence.

You either do something about yourself or get lost. The choice is entirely up to you.

First, a fucking idiot took my stuff and messed them up (without my permission of course) and obviously, lost them.

Next, the same fucking idiot screamed at me for not having the stuff.

To make it worse, the fucking idiot refuses to be proactive and look for alternative ways to solve the problem at hand.

How fucking retarded can it get? :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SITING & JOSHUA (:

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY YITIAN 3 DAYS IN ADVANCE! :)


Ok so I finally decided to unlock my blog :D (I locked it for reasons that I shall not disclose here, but if you want to know you can always ask me in person/on msn.)

Went to Siting's blog a few days ago and saw this really funny thing on how the book Macbeth relates to people in 3H! XD but we expanded it in class of course. Most of the characters is Siting give one, the rest is Yitian.

1. Duncan: _____ (don't ask who is this on this blog.)
2. Macbeth: Yeuk Ho (striking similarities in terms of character and position!)
3. Lady Macbeth: ME! (They think my character is similar to hers -.- nothing going on between me and Yeuk Ho duh)
4. Macduff: Glada
5. Lady Macduff: Wen Tian (Or was she supposed to be Malcolm? Ahh dunno lah :/ )
6. Banquo: Joshua
7. Fleance: Yi Jie
8. Hecate: Yitian (Ok this is not formally give one, but she wants to be so yeah xD )

Actually, most of the characters are unaware that they've been given the honour of living up to renowned people in the Elizabethan times! :D

But omgosh you people should have seen the look on Joshua's face when we told him that he was Banquo!! And it was equally funny when we told him who his son was xD According to Yitian, he was originally supposed to be another character! (Haha I can't say it here.. I think everyone will die laughing. Hint: Not Macbeth.)

And we still need to think who can be The Three Witches. But nobody in 3H bears any similarity to them leh :/

Today, a lot of super funny things happened in the LT during LA lecture! :)
1. We saw how disgusting and disgustingly long Macbeth and Lady Macbeth kissed each other D:
2. For some weird reason, our four-chair-long row fell backward and everyone was so worried that we were hurt! But we were laughing like mad xD haha Ms Chan was glaring at us for creating such a commotion but I don't think she saw what happenened!

Bio and Log tests were not as scary as what I predicted them to be; but then again, I won't dare to draw any conclusions before I get back my results.

Disappointing, disappointing.
Tsk, tsk.

I have to hand up the imba >3000 words essay by tomorrow (or rather, today coz it's already 1.09am now -.- ) and I've only written 1153 words! Yup we need to compose studies for our section and my composing skills suck T.T

Btw, is anyone still online?
*Goes to check*
Whoa, grand total of 8 people online leh!

Have all the SLs finished their essays or have they just given up?

Shall end off here; came merely for a break. Shall not sidetrack. Vision's getting blurry coz I'm sleepy (it rhymes) so I'll go back to the essay and HOPEFULLY, get some sleep :D

Whoa. The whole of 3H was like zombified. Everyone was chionging LA film project ystd night :O

You know, I feel kind of guilty for feeling so tired at 12+ and thus falling asleep -.- Poor Josh chionged editting until 2+.. sadly he was the only one from our group able to do it..

Ms Low gave us some time to sleep in class today. And I chionged storyboard during Math, only to have it be dismantled -.-

Will be meeting my LA group again tmr, and maybe on sun. Grr.. weekends have been taken up by this stupid proj!! And everyone seems to be using the corridor along 3H/3I classroom. Dunno who said tt maybe the tchers will be sick of it. Lol. Don't care lah.

And we're gonna get penalized for late submission. Oh well, better than handing up a 5 or 6 min long film (including credits) when it's supposed to be 10 min long!

And I got the most imba homework ever in my whole entire life. And guess what - it's not even academically-related. Yup, it's for band :O for SLs and some others. Topic: How Can I improve My Section? Mr Ng said it was to be "no less than 3000" words, but he hinted tt he wanted it to be 6 or 7k. Due date: end of this month. Sigh. Shall ask other SLs, including some not from band lah. IDEAS!!!

***

And now for the random happenings that have been happening in my life.

Physics Pop Quiz: did better than expected. Mr Hong wrote "Improvement!" on my paper. Encouraging :)

Life IS getting better somewhere. Thank God for answering my prayers! =D It's amazing how He never fails me. Praise the Lord!

I'm relieved, but still worried though. Contradictory yeah?

My results ARE crap.

I've learnt to be more.. daring? :O

I still wonder about what the future will bring. (Sounds like the Witches' Prophecies in Macbeth.)

Someone is interested in the relationship between me, Lady Macbeth, and babies.

I wonder what am I feeling. LOL. (This is meant for me to know and for you to find out xD )

I feel like going to sleep.

I wonder about what H3 papers i should take. I wanna take 2 :D (shhh!)

Some people suspect me of having a boyfriend.. they asked my mum! :O Duh I don't have lah.. and Mum believes me yay! :)

I don't think I should be jealous of that someone whom I was jealous of for many years in primary school anymore, lol.

I believe I have grown closer to God.

Nice people are all around you, if you're willing to search hard enough for them.

I love my toenails ;DD look at them to find out why. But I think someone will flip over when she sees what I've done! Haha.

Someone told me that, based on research findings, those who grow up in violent households tend to be more violent later in life.

I didn't know I was so scary and intimidating. Talk about how someone mentioned some people's body language. And evidently, these people aren't cowards leh.

Things are crashing, but remain intact.

I'm still confused. Fortunately it's better now though :)

I just ended The Most Painful Period of my life 2 days ago. The PAIN was REALLY killing me O.O

Which reminds me, some people are caring and kind beneath their somewhat mean exterior.

I've changed. A lot.

I've become much more random too. I didn't use to type such disconnected sentences a few months ago, or in lower sec.

This blog is less active than it was a few months ago. Maybe coz I've found another outlet to fa1 xie4 gan3 qing2.. or maybe I've really grown to be more positive! (:

I'm not very happy, but not sad enough to be emoing the whole day.

I realize that while I can be quite loud and extroverted in some places, I can switch off 100% and become totally introverted in some other places. I wonder why.

I must plan my next move.

I'm wasting time writing random sentences in this post.

Don't be alarmed by me locking up my blog; I will unlock it. Real soon, I hope.

I hope I can learn to smile genuinely, instead of having to put on a plastic, fake one 24/7. Must learn to be as smiley as _________. (The blank's for me to know and for you to find out.)

I must learn to be more decisive lah. Although people probably don't think I'm wishy-washy and indecisive, but oh well.

I think I'm introverted in some ways.

I think I'm equally extroverted too, haha.

I don't want to screw up any more of God's plans for me. Coz I believed I screwed up many, many times already.

I admire the strength, determination and ability of China people. And I believe that, as a Chinese myself, I must learn to emulate their qualities.

My mum is FUNNY! LOOOOOL!!! Something freaking funny happened earlier tonight, which is simply way too HILARIOUS to type out here. Coz whoever reads it will die of laughter.

But my mum reassures me that her intentions are innocent (not her exact words used lah; again, I can't type out exactly what she said coz you will fall off your chair THIS INSTANT)

Now I think I'm kinda happy leh. Mood swing, eh? ;o I always thought I'm quite wen3 ding4.

MBTI's ESTJ describes me. Like seriously, this sentence alone speaks miles of truth. 'Recognition is important as it means that they "have delivered". They WANT to deliver and they want to know that they have served well. ' Anyone who knows me at least slightly better will know how I apply this sentence into my daily life.

Some other true sentences," FAILED is the way it reverberates through THEIR brains and they, perhaps more than other types, like to be RIGHT and can become quite depressed if they feel they are responsible for some disarray or major failure.

ESTJs are quite principled people, no-nonsense about rules and expected behaviour by those who are expected to know better. SHOULD...SHOULD...SHOULD is engraved upon their psyche and is a mandate for their daily life.

Honour and dignity mean a lot to them and they count openness and honesty to be virtues which should be lived spontaneously and readily, even if costly. ESTJs can "bite the bullet", "suck it up" and move on when "the hard thing" needs to be done. Remember that they are impersonal in approach, even the interpersonal. This does not mean "the milk of human kindness" does not flow through their veins. It is only that feelings are not important to them. Thinking is and past experience guides them so that they are always ready to act according to lessons already learned - not according to emotional responses. "

O.O

No-nonsense about rules? Does this explain for me wanting to ______ noisy babies? LOLOL.

They say that ESTJs are the most masculine of all personality types. Gosh.

_____ said that maybe next time all the guys see me, they will siam. I really don't know whether to cry or to laugh -.-

***

Ok, that's it for now. Feel like reading about ESTJs. I wanted to prac piano earlier, but now is already 10.59pm.. a bit too late huh.

Was watching Beijing Olympics just now. It was so.. imba. There was this advertistment on NDP, and I realized how much more advanced China is as compared to us. The performance was magical.. the way they used effects and how they were super accurate even down to the most minute, miniscule details was really amazing.

I'm glad I went to church that day, and found an AWESOME(!) CG to be a part of. :D We must go back there another day! :D

And a really long eyelash dropped into my eye just now : was damn itchy. The longest I'd ever dropped so far, considering my frequency :\

Some of the common test results are out already. Improved, but could have done much better (DUHHH) -.- oh well. There's still EOYs to pia for.

And I'm confused. Like SERIOUSLY.

The run today was satisfying -.- except tt dunno how come sprain the same spot of my ankle as the sprain that recoverd only a few days ago ): initially I couldn't put much weight on my leg, but it got better and I didn't feel like a sprain :) but the sprain came back I think :(

Oh well. I know the above paragraphs have got no connection to each other at all, but nvm. Too tired to think properly I guess. -.-

Apparently you have to score 30 below to be an angel

Bold is for truth. :)

1. Smoked before
2. Drunk alcohol before (1)
3. Slept with someone of the opposite sex
4. Slept with someone of the same sex
5. Gotten into any fights with my brother (no brother...)
6. Kissed someone of the opposite sex
7. Kissed someone of the same sex (my mother -.-) (2)
8. Had someone in your room of the opposite sex (my dad lor -.-) (3)
9. Scolded vulgarities lots of times (4)
10. Bought porn
11. Take drugs before medicine
12. Hate going to the doctor's
13. Lied to your parents (duh!) (5)
14. Lied to a friend back then (white lies XD ) (6)
15. Snuck out of the house
16. Done something illegal
17. Cut yourself
18. Hurt someone >.< (7)
19. Wished someone to die
20. Seen someone die
21. Missed curfew (I don't go out often so no curfew)
22. Stayed up all night (yup, once in p4 to attempt to finish all my March Hol hw, but fell asleep at 5.40am -.- ) (8)
23. Eaten a carton of ice cream
24. Been to a therapist
25. Been to a rehab
26. Dyed your hair
27. Received a ticket
28. Been in a wreck
29. Been to a club
30. Been to a bar for the sake of playing pool and drinking some stuff.
31. Been to a wild party
32. Seen the Mardi Gras
33. Had a fight (sometimes ppl will trash things out at one another >.< ) (9)
34. Had a spring break
35. Sniffed anything
36. Wore black nail polish
37. Wore wristbands (10)
38. Wore black eyeliner
40. Own a 50 cent CD
41. Hugged someone of the opposite sex (duh not! dumb ques =.= )
42. Hugged someone of the same sex (mum and some friends) (11)
43. Gone out with someone of the same sex (wth... outings lah..)
44. Gone out with someone of the opposite sex (is it so wrong to go out to do GROUP projs with guys?) (12)
45. Stole something
46. Been too drunk to remember anything
47. Blacked out
48. Fainted
49. Had a crush on your neighbour
50. Had someone else snuck into your room
51. Snuck into someone else's room
52. Had a crush on someone of the same sex (God made adam and eve, not adam and STEVE)53. Had gone and watched movies with friends (yeah, i nv -.-) (13)
54. Dry humped someone (what's that?)
55. Been called a slut
56. Called someone a slut (LOL) (14)
57. Installed speakers in your car
58. Broke a mirror
59. Showered at someone of the opposite sex's house (my uncle's hse?) (15)
60. Brushed your teeth with someone else's brush (when i was younger i didn't mind using my parents' toothbrushes.. eww i know ><) (16)
61. Consider Mac, Dre, e40 or Mistah Fab your favorite rapper
62. Seen an R rated movie in theaters (i wanted to watch brokeback mountain leh!! but obviously i didn't -.- )
63. Gone out with friends to the mall (yeah, i didn't -.- ) (17)
64. Skipped school
65. Had an eating disorder
66. Had hurt yourself before (18)
67. Gone to court (crazy arh..)
68. Walked out of a restaurant without paying
69. Caught something on fire (paper money for my late grandfather?) (19)
70. Lied about your age in order to create a crunchyroll account (friendster, facebook and maybe tagged. don't think i have a crunchyroll acc lah)
71. Owned an apartment
72. Cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend (don't even have bf how to cheat on him?)
73. Cheated with someone
74. Got in trouble with the police
75. Talked to a stranger (how else was i supposed to talk to ppl i met in church on sat?) (20)
76. Hugged a stranger
77. Kissed a stranger (EWW)
78. Rode in the car with a stranger
79. Been sexually harassed
80. Been verbally harassed
81. Met face to face with someone you met online
82. Stayed online for 12 hours
83. Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
84. Watched TV for 12 hours straight
85. Been to a fair (funfair?) (21)
86. Been called a bad influence (i'm known for being a pure guai kia kay!!)
87. Cursed (ask anyone who knows me to give testimony lah) (22)
88. Prank called someone (including some calls to my ex-tuition tchr about being some bra company with $1million worth of bras waiting outside her doorstep or something.. in pri sch..) (23)
89. Laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex (with my dad? coz we were both super tired after just arriving in america so just sleep lor.. don't think sick..) (24)
90. Cheated on a test (ting xie yes, test no)
91. Cheated on homework (copy assignments?) (25)
92. Held hands with someone of the opposite sex (my dad, when i was young?) (26)
93. Want to be dead (i'm scared of death can -.- )
94. Cut yourself before
95. Hate yourself (used to, but not anymore)
96. Had a crush on someone 10 years older than you (how to love someone with such a VAST age difference??)
97. *NOT VALID* (huh?)
98. Worn eyeliner (i think i did during the Christmas performance 2 years ago.. but i hate makeup, rahh) (27)
99. Skinny dipped (ugh)
100. Laughed at someone who was seriously hurt (and yes, that person found out ;O ) (28)

see.. i'm a good girl! haha.. lisha is an angel yay ^^

Lots of things have been happening lately, and it leaves me wondering about even more things :/

on thurs morn, we ran 5 rounds for PE. I thought, since I don't have the chance to exercise often, I should just use the opportunity to run faster. Was initially happy that I was the 4th or 5th girl to reach :D

Unfortunately, I got a stomache ): so I just sat down lor. But soon, the pain was so bad that I couldn't move. As if it wasn't bad enough, I had to throw up. I was so embarrassed; I wasn't even able to run to the toilet. I dared not look at my classmates, even though I think they were all staring.

But thanks Hang Yin and everyone else who helped me or just asked if I was ok or not :) thankfully, I was ok after awhile. Although I don't know why this happened; I didn't feel dehydrated nor had heartburn. And I didn't know Q was so nice to me. I thought he was merely a better version of **** **.

Was perfectly fine after a drink and could pay attention in class yay :)

***

Yesterday was the worst lah! Was damn unlucky, had it first thing in the morning ): I was hoping it could be ignored. But it was.. err..

So I brought my jacket to school, hoping that this was all I needed to do.

Everytime the air con blew on me, the pain would worsen. I was damn bloody bloated; I hate to think about what would happen if anyone accidentally hit my stomach area. By the time it was HCL, the pain was back-breaking and spread to my stomach. I couldn't pay attention, couldn't take notes, couldn't concentrate.. all I could do was lie on the table. Luckily they helped me adjust the air-con so it didn't blow on me. I was in such pain that I couldn't just stand up and do it myself. And in the middle of HCL, P asked if I was ok or not. I didn't know how to reply him, so I just said I wasn't feeling well. Then he told me to go sleep. I was surprised.. I didn't expect him to be such a nice person :/

Then xielaoshi asked if I was ok, so I said "that thing.. very pain.." LOL. She asked if it was the stomach, and if I needed to go general office. I said no. I didn't want to miss any lessons because of this stupid thing lah. Hui Han, it must have been worse for you coz yours was the whole day..

For physics, we were supposed to wait for Mr Hong outside the physics lab. The lack of air-con there alleviated my pains A LOT, but it was still so painful that I had to sit on the steps coz standing up was a chore in itself. Luckily he didn't come.. I can't imagine bouncing tennis balls with my back and stomach about to break. Or worse still, telling him about the reason for my pain.

Fortunately during ACE, the pain went away yay! Could sit up ^^ and yeah, I was able to go for band. Like thankfully :)

The only good thing was the Math Pop Quiz. I was predicting to be killed, coz I was doing math on thurs night and realized that there were still a lot of sums I didn't know how to do. However, it turned out to be like, 3 questions in half an hour! And those questions were zomgosh how to say.. freaking easy. I finished in around 5-10 min. Slacked around for the remaining time. Reminds me of primary school test.. everytime finish liao still got a lot of time left. If only the actual CT can be as easy.. but sadly, don't think it's possible though ): SUPER HENG, my pain hadn't set in then. If not I might not have been able to do the quiz at all!

Super relieved, didn't vomit yesteday :) last time mine was quite bad lah, vomit up to 3 times a day. Vomit once very good liao..

***

Today was LA filming at Si Jin's house. All we did was a bit of the montage :( quite unproductive huh. And I tried playing her sis' violin. Felt so light and fragile compared to my cello that I was apprehensive at first : luckily I managed to tune it without breaking the string XD

And I didn't know Si Jin and Steffi could strum the guitar so well! Sounds quite nice lah, but given a choice, I still won't learn guitar. For some reason, guitar has never really appealed to me.

Then had piano lesson, followed by tuition. And for the first time, my hamster got pissed with my tutor (who is supposed to be her favourite person) LOLOLOL. Super funny.

4 tests down, more than 5 more to go. Don't want to count the exact number for fear that I'll end up scaring myself :

Now is 11.32pm and I still have yet to understand physics and practice my cello. Bleh!

***

Sometimes I seriously wonder if I'm taking on too many things. Triple science, MEP, HSSRP, 2 instruments (inclusive of a piano diploma) and all the other what-nots. Bleh I really don't think I can cope. To be honest, I haven't been making time to go to church, which is supposed to be my first priority?!?!

Really feel like giving up some commitments, but I only have this one chance to do well for all the tasks and opportunities I've been given. I believe I've screwed up more than enough when I was younger; it's time to undo the damage and work even harder to make up for all that I've lost.

Haha, Valencia's Triple S. For me, it's:
Stress, Sian, Sickened. Got a lot more actually lah.

SWO concert tomorrow night :) But I wonder if I really should go, considering the amount of tests I have to conquer :/ not that I don't want to support SWO arh!!

My marks are at stake, so my future is at stake too.

And I'm still here blogging -.-

***

While on the way to piano lesson just now, I was thinking about a particular conversation and a lot of other things that have been happening lately. I wonder if I'm hypocritical, trying to believe that things are going fine when they're far from it. Or am I just over-sensitive?

Maybe things are as bad as what others think they are; maybe even worse. Or maybe there has been too much speculation :/ it's depressing and energy-draining to think about this kind of thing. It saps all my energy I should be investing into my work.

But I can't close one eye forever!

And I can't ignore problems forever!
They will just blow up one day and become too difficult for anyone to handle. Much as I would like to run away and pretend my life is fine, I wonder how long would I be able to do that. Seriously, I think I've grown to be VERY suspicious. I don't trust a single soul anymore!

But then again, I don't want to pity myself for living a crap life. In the first place, it's not exactly very nice to believe you're living a crap life -.-

It's pretty hard I admit : bleh, just have to put on a mask and fight whatever battle that has been presented to me.

chem test ystd :/ i think it was not very good coz i made a stupid mistake -.- but i think it was better than most chem tests though :)

LA and history tmr. sian. 2 killer humans in 1 day.

`some people do get on my nerves. like seriously.

lessons have officially started, and things look like they're a change for the worse.

damn.

i was so pissed and upset that i didn't want to eat lunch ystd, and went to slp at 10pm even though i wans't tired at all. k fine i didn't slp early in the end. spent time praying, hitting/pjnching myself & crying. funny how and why bad things ALWAYS happen to the good people. Lord, i fear.

In a MSN convo earlier tonight, I came across some food for thought when my friend and I were talking about Doomsday 2012 (or rather, the Rapture):

Friend: Why should you be scared?
Me: Why should you not be scared?
Friend: Because I have a God who loves me. No matter what I do, He will still love me. When I die, I know He will still take care of me. :D

Yeah, I find this statement true. If we love and fear God wholeheartedly, we have nothing to fear, not even the fearful Rapture.

Praise the Lord :D

It's a wonder how God works through everyday life in the most unexpected scenarios. I didn't imagine He would speak to me through my friend in something as simple and mundane as an MSN convo. But He did.

Thank you God for sharing this important message with me when I least expected it :) Amen.

keep your fucking mouth shut.

and get your fucking ass out of my fucking life.

thank you very much & goodnight, your champion bloody fucker.

yay i read 'the bait of satan'.. was a nice book, but not as powerfil as choo thomas' 'heaven is so real' though :D

i try to tell myself to forgive you. but i really can't stand your attitude; you always think you're always right. yea right, i am always wrong too. for some reason.

oh, ahd it's your fault your $30++ umbrella got spoiled. if you didn't use it to hit me, it would still be in perfect working condition. oh well, just to bad for you.

colossians 3:21: "parents, do not exasperate your children, or they will become discouraged." maybe the reason why everyone seems to think i'm cynical and coldhearted is REALLY all thanks to you.

what shit lah.

***

thank you for talking to me today. it made me happy, though i think i am emo again :( anyway thanks lots for all the things you've done for me, regardless of whether they were done intentionally or not,

i will never forget that time we almost quarelled. i was emo for 1 whole night; that is, until i somehow managed to fall asleep (k i always do in the end -.- ) the next day, i didn't know if you were willing to talk to me or not. but you did--and thus understood me in a way that few others have ever done so.

i'm sorry if i hurt you in any way. but thank God for bringing you into my life. ily-x3

'the bait of satan' was quite a meaningful book. oh, and the vision.

3H sales was not bad: we raised about $200 today! ^^ except i came home like SUPER late lah. sian. must send yanci my part for the ppt and still haven't really started doing yet, bleh. sorry..

hope tmr will be a better day for all, and good luck with IDMI presentation on thurs! (:

man, this is so irritating -.-

sorry guys that my posts almost always start off with this same line. but it's really very annoying and sickening ok. like, you decide to eat a bit more (which you normally don't do) and get told off by it, called fat when you're still of acceptable weight. (k fine i am fat but surely not obese and therefore can afford to eat nice things once in a while?!?!)

and damn, bohan's cheese scallops make my mouth water =.= bleh i'm so greedy ugh ): hong wei says they're fattening and anyway, you can't gurantee you won't get food poisoning after eating them LOLOLOL. luckily i've eaten my dinner alr or i'll have a worse appetite :P

went to meet my HSSRP mentor at NUS today. meeting was kinda screwed up T.T luckily my mentor is nice, he either didn't notice the bloody screw or just didn't wanna mention it. (either way, thanks so much dr lin!! (: spent 1 hour discussing. hope can at least scrape some decent thing from HSSRP, haha).

meeting ms low for financial consultancy (for IDMI) tmr with my group. this sentence sounds grammatically wrong lol. meeting time at 830, hope can chiong down to the canteen to record down all the sales in time. oh yes, and settle the discrepancies with my records and the actual amount of money collected. (although i think it's coz some ppl undercharged our customers lah. bleh you, muni >< )

but overall, it was funfunfun!! raised almost $140 today. but have to pay back $10 to the class fund. but even then, i still think $130 is a tidy sum ^^

ppl, pls refer to the posters on the walls: come to 3H's booth!! selling beads and song dedication tmr! (hopefully they will decide to sell more stuff too, haha.)

(a bit bai2 fei4 to write this notice only now, coz it's unlikely many dunmanians will read my blog in the short span of only 1 night =.=)

hope the good sales can continue tmr! (:

you know what? i feel like a prisoner :( i wonder when the doors of the jail cell will be open. it has been like this, and even at an age when ppl (including the least independent ones) are already beginning to gain their freedom, i still feel like a five-year-old (and HELLO, I AM ALREADY 15!! -.- )

man this sucks. i wonder when this will end. sometimes i have this fear that i may not be allowed to choose my own career; someone will force me into doing things i don't wish to do.

it has happened many times already. i wonder if i'm sacrificing much more than the average person would ever sacrifice for others in a lifetime. sometimes i wish i can just numb myself to all this bullshit, but who can ever tolerate crap forever?!?!

i'm human. i dare say i'm pissed. you guys always gey kiang, think you know me so well, and even say that i don't know myself at all. ask yourself this: how often have you actually stood in my shoes and thought about my perspective? how often do you actually take my feelings into consideration? sometimes i really wonder why i'm doing all this for. i do so many things to make you happy; not only do you remain unhappy, you even take it for granted.

and what do i get in return?

endless hours of misery. incessant screaming (for i-don't-know-what-reason). forced into doing more and more things i NEVER wanted to do. my dreams shattered. tears. lots of anger being bottled up inside. hurt....... and more.

these things don't offer me anything. yet you maintain that if only i listen to you, i will succeed. fat hope. if that was really true, why don't i see it?!?!

this is making me sick. i really hope this will end, but then again, i'm not sure how and when it will T.T

i always wonder, among all the people in this world, why am i the unlucky one?? bleh.

don't really feel like continuing the update (even though hang yin has asked me to). sorry and bye.

gah. having the freaking tessellations again -.- wish i not such a comp noob. totally don't understand how to do all the stuff :(

and i realized that ppl with the surname soh are surprisingly, strangely, similarly sadistic!! XD karen soh from my elective shares my sentiments with regards to babies. lolololol.

blogging from the laptop in elective now. sian.

damn sleepy, with plenty of hw left undone =.= can't be bothered to do them anymore, haha.

today is really my unlucky day mah. the laptop batt is fast running out and i can't even charge it coz there are not enough plugs =.= oh well, hopefully i can post more later. bye.

i have no sense of ownership towards that project. even though it is officially mine, i could NEVER do it my way. instead, i had word-for-word dictation and instruction, and endless screaming whenever i did not follow it. yes, it comes from people who are NOT supposed to even have a say in it at all. (i am not referring to the tchrs who helped along the way.)

annoyed and irritated is an understatement of what i'm feeling now.

shit.

I WANT TO PLAY A CONCERTO!! hahaha

MY GOODNESS, I DIDN'T KNOW SUCH PEOPLE EXISTED :O


1. PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY ARE KNOW-IT-ALLS AND ARE TOTALLY GEY KIANG.. EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE NOT.

2. PEOPLE WHO NOSE INTO EVERYTHING THAT IS UNRELATED TO THEM, AND LEAVE OUT THE PERSON WHO IS ACTUALLY RELATED TO THAT THING.

3. PEOPLE WHO HAVE A LACK OF INFERENCE SKILLS, MADE WORSE BY SHORT-TERM MEMORY, SO THAT WHATEVER INFERENCES THEY MIRACULOUSLY CAN DRAW WILL BE RAPIDLY FORGOTTEN.

4. PEOPLE WHO NEVER FAIL TO IRRITATE THE HELL OUT OF ME.

5. PEOPLE WHO USE ALL EFFORTS INTO SCREWING UP THINGS, YET REFUSE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY WHEN THINGS GET SCREWED UP AS A RESULT OF THEIR FOOLISHNESS.

and the list goes on..


bleh, these people made me really pissed, disappointed, repulsed and revolted :(