You know what? I'm really tired.

Physically, I'm ok, just that mentally, I'm superrrr.. drained. I guess I've come to the point where neither words nor tears can ever express what I feel now. Where my heart should have been is just an empty vacuum, devoid of any emotions lol.

I'm really disgusted by what I see, and the worst part is that I can't do anything to stop it. I'm glad I've told myself not to love others so easily. (When I say love, I'm talking about loving people in general; not only in terms of romantic relationships.) This is the opposite to what the Bible says but nvm. I know you're supposed to love everyone unconditionally just like how Christ loved us; no matter how unworthy they may be, we must love them. But seriously, when they hurt/irritate/upset us, is the love really worth it? It's like, you know you're in for a whacking when you provoke someone, but you provoke him anyway.

But without love, the world would be even more cold and hard, right? :/

What a way to celebrate Christmas! Christ is love, but I'm losing faith in love..


MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! :)

Wow, it's been a long long while since I lasted updated. To be frank, I've gotten rid of most of my blogging addiction already.

Well, I didn't go for church camp D: I really hope that God, my caregroup and the rest of my church friends are not angry with me! It's just that missing band camp isn't exactly the right thing to do. I'd miss a normal practice but not band camp. However, I feel that God has revealed His plans to me in another way. During this band camp, I feel that I was able to bond a lot more with my section :) I'm not trying to sound corny here, but I think it is my duty as a senior and SL to be there for my juniors especially during this time -- intensive training. More importantly, God help me to realize, once again, how deep is my love for music. Yes, I was aware that music is an important part of my life, but I thought I could abandon it for more important things e.g. studies. (I went on piano hiatus a few weeks prior to EOYs, and my technique sucks now.) :( but come to think of it, the day I abandon music will probably be the saddest day of my life. I could feel the excitement and exuberance of worship coursing through the blood in my veins as I played my cello; it's not even my first instrument. Yet I felt so happy playing it. I don't know if I was daydreaming, but I seemed to sense Jesus being happy with what I was doing.

Which leads me to recall what Ms Low said to me after looking through my portfolio earlier this year. I had written that I completed my piano Grade 8 exam in Sec 1, and was now aiming for my Diploma. She asked me if it might have been God's plan for me to eventually become a concert pianist. But I told her no, competition is tough and I'm nothing special; furthermore, it isn't very practical in Singapore.

Then why do I keep fantasizing about performing solos after solos, concertos after concertos?!?! o.o

Because that's what I really like? What I really really want?

But I feel that choosing a career is more about practicality, not so much about what you like. True, you don't choose a career you totally detest, but it must definitely give you a sense of security with regard to tomorrow.

Now I'm stuck at a crossroad, unsure of what to do =.= shall just wait and see how God reveals His plans at the appropriate times..

[edit/]
The Bible says it's important to love, but sometimes it's really hard :/ when the people you love constantly hurt and disappoint you and let you down, what is the purpose of loving them? Yes it's true that love is a nice feeling to have around, but when you don't experience love, you don't know what you're missing out on, so it won't really hurt you I guess. But when you have loved and lost, you might not be able to withstand it emotionally. So is it really worth it to love others? And what is the point of believing in love?

Confused - beyond tears;
My nicenice msn nick :)

Ok random -.-

So my fate is sealed. And I miss you ):