yup i know i said i will be going on hiatus until the end of term 1, but not having a place to vent my frustrations freely makes me feel like.. bleh :( lack of self-discipline lah i know. haha.
scanning/ printing out an extra copy of SBT now, since just now suddenly want to use then dunno who packed the cupboards so at first a lot of SLs (including me)were damn scared coz we thought we couldn't find. thank God i managed to find a copy!! but it was really torn and tattered =( practically falling apart. so i think i will send it for rebinding, and make an extra copy just in case!
school work has been piling up. got back the HCL test, and i totally flunked the cheng yu and cloze component.. i think i got the lowest in class! T.T omgosh. was damn malu ok! some more with that imba hang yin beside me.. this is damn damn damn demoralizing. i dun think i want to show my parents/tutor this paper until i gotten back the comprehension component, which i hopefully did better in. haiz. i guess i'm just not born to be good in chinese.
my printer is so sloww.. i am only printing out the cover page now!! tsktsktsk.. hurry up! ok yay it's done ^^ scanning the contents page now. it better be completed quickly.
anyway, it's been pretty emo nowadays. yes i know tt i may joke, laugh and crap (maybe a bit too much) but you guys probably dun realize tt this is to conceal whatever tt is inside. today was a good example. when we were walking to the chem lab, i was laughing like siao coz of __________, and glada commented tt i have "childlike laughter". hahahahaha. tt is, until i told her what i was laughing about. LOL. but later tt afternoon, reality suddenly started to crash in on me. dunno why suddenly so emo leh =/ i began questioning myself my purpose in life. who am i? what am i? i'm not as happy as what you all perceive me to be from my cheerful exterior. i guess i'm just trying to put on a brave front.
haha, but i dun cry at night just before sleeping lah :) i guess it'll be alright after awhile. anyway, the most genuine tears are often the tears tt cannot be seen, right? and crying only makes you wallow in self-pity, which i think is not very useful coz life has to go on. no point emo-ing about things in the past. look towards the present and future and continue running the race of life =)
i really miss RGPS 5F'04/ 6F'05, and everthing else tt happened to me within tt time!! those two years taught me a lot of things. it helped me to grow, not just in terms of academics. it gave me a whole new horizon of life's perspectives. it helped me to be one step closer to reach my goal of touching lives, and i hope i did. it helped me to uncover my life's purpose. it helped me to be useful not just to myself, but also to those around me. i know i had made many mistakes during those two years, some of which were pretty serious i guess >.< but then again, those mistakes helped me to reflect on the aspects of my life which could be better, and ultimately helped me to learn. ppl may think that i wasted a lot of time engaging in "free labour", but then again, i picked up invaluable lessons of life i would otherwise never have been able to gain access to. anyway, i had lots of fun in the process, which was very different from the politically-correct ideas of "fun" :)
though i may have took things for granted back then, on hindsight, i realize that was the happiest period of my life.
without those times, i dun think i would have what i have now.
my life would have been very different.
but it's all over, it's all over...
i really miss those times :' (
i don't think they will ever be presented to me again, at least not in the forseeable future...
all i have are just some souvenirs from the past... oh, and a ton of fond memories.
i promise i'll treasure whatever i have left <3
so, to whoever is reading this, treasure even the most mundane things you have now. because you will never known when it will be taken away from you, and by then it will be too late.
yup, since this is a public blog, i shall not emo too freely. but i feel like i have been living the wrong life. i've been living a lie for very long i suppose. and i really want to face up to the truth.
-liking the wrong subject(s).. only realizing this misconception thanks to ms low, my form tchr. without her, my sec 3 life wouldn't have been so wonderful so far =)
-being too "open" about things.. i realize tt i must learn to be more discreet and secretive, regardless of who i am interacting with.
-been to submissive, to the extent that it has affected areas of my life tt i can't control. true, putting up too strong a resistance against ppl of the highest authority when you are only 12/13/14 years old is never easy. but had i known what detrimental effects this "mental weakness" would bring about, standing firm and resolute to my decisions would have been so much more worthwhile.
i took up a lot of time to write this post, but it has helped me understand things so much more. it's been a very fruitful 10-15min blogging.. the investment of a few min can't compare to what i just took back.
i musn't emo, i musn't emo...
life is not about thinking of the past. it is about living the present, and looking towards the future.
only then, can you really run the race of life.
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