hey, back for another quick short update :) thanks to hillary, who requested XD

had physics camp today. the first part was quite interesting but retarded -.- i didn't know that RFID (radio frequency identification) has so many uses. each group was asked to do a proposal of one possible future use in singapore, the advantages and disadvantages. my group's was the most hilarious i think.

it was a chip to be implanted in all prisoners and all exits of prisons (e.g. gate, fence, windows etc). whenever a prisoner tries to cross the boundary, the chips at the exits would give off a loud beeping sound to alert the prison wardens. also, the chip in the prisoners will be connected to a GPS system, so that the prison wardens can check their whereabouts.

apparently, the part about inserting it into their bodies and 24/7 surveillance was a violation of human rights =.= in some NUS high person's point of view.

i've been freaking frustrated over your incessant interference! i don't even know what is my HSSRP all about, and what are the neccessary steps to take coz it's all word-for-word dictation. srsly, i don't feel any bloody sense of ownership towards this stupid project, nor any satisfaction about it.

yay for another short update. nothing much happened today, except that i stupidly forgot to bring out my wallet =.= so i had to walk home from united square. took 2 hrs and earned me lots of scoldings. T.T

i found this song on someone's friendster, and i find it very meaningful! ^^ hopefully can remember it.

Casting Crows - Who Am I
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

BSP camp was fun fun fun!! ^^ so sad it's over now..

group 17.. xi1 gua1 pi2! :) inspired by bohan as a result of the watermelons = pang sai during lunch on the 1st day XD oh well, we still had lots of fun!

first day was more of intro and a lot of games. got dirty, with noodles under my feet -.- and poured water WITH PARTICLES down sam chan's throat >< haha. although the grp got dirty together, it was really lots and lots of fun leh!!! so we reached the hotel room at 11+.. roomed with sam chan. xin tian and ru meng (aka maria) were in the adjoining room.

btw, the dorm was super comfortable!! =D no air con but nvm. the fan was cold enough for me to remain covered by the blanket at night and shivering in the morning xD

2nd day was fun too! got preparation for grp item and sch item. nanyang and river valley were super enthu. hwa chong was super loud. dunman sang zhi1 zu2 and did some cheers. sian.. why they dont want tell the judges tt zhi zu is our level song? nobody will know how much this song means to us.. and every time i hear it i remember the last day of sch last yr, when i __________ (fill in the blank urself :D )

group item was jokes. hong wei would raise the poster, tt said *clap* or xiao4. so the audience kept laughing lor. and BOHAN SCREWED THE JOKE THAT ME AND TIMOTHY WERE SUPPOSED TO SAY!! but the audience ended up laughing anyway x/ and something VERY embarrassing happened during the grp performance, which i shall not elaborate on -.- made me quite pissed off for awhile, coz i felt like i was being accused of something which i was not guilty of.

after the facils' item was HIGH!!! everyone was like running around and singing and jumping and cheering and laughing. super fun ^^ bohan misplaced some of his skin XD but it wasnt that serious, at least we thought so! now i have muscle aches coz of running/jumping around too much -.- but oh well, no regrets. at least i had fun and could jian3 fei2. LOL.

then we played games. all the truth or dare etc. hahahaha!!

day 3 - today - go-home-day :( bleh!!! i want BSP camp to last longer!! i think my group super imba lah. we all don't want go home XD i think some ppl were homesick though. but i wasn't.

haha. i think this camp confirms my belief that i'm becoming more and more extraverted. last time, from pri sch to lower sec, every time i was away from home i'll be homesick. but ever since this yr's level camp, i really have fun ^^

MTBI indicates that i'm extroverted. as ppl's personality do not change, i believe it was just the extraverted side of me waiting to come out.

and i'm glad it finally has.





bleh i miss BSP camp ):

ugh!

i don't understand you.

i'm not angry or jealous. just feel plain cheated. but i suppose it's ok, coz it doesn't matter, does it?

oh well, BSP camp tmr to thurs.

end of sem 1.
sucky GPA.
don't feel like talking about it in detail.. too tired >.< i almost fell asleep during CCA today
same goes for the long-overdue level camp post.
sorry ppl..

i just wanna say that you are freaking irritating. do you think it's responsible to promise one thing, only to break your promise a few days later? let me tell you this, i HATE people who do things that way; it simply reflects their lack of integrity and maturity. but it's ok with me; just don't blame me if i cut off all support for you one day. at least you jolly well know you deserve it.

eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, nail for a nail... and more :D

damn.

yay i've finally finished the stupid freaking almighty scary difficult MEP portfolio! *celebrates* it's a HUGE relief ok! much worse than all the other portfolios i've done put together.

ok, i admit it was last-minute work. when i came home on fri night, i just didn't feel like doing anything and so i didn't :P so started on saturday lor. really, it was a lot. should have started earlier. haha.

here's what we had to do:
1. listen to the 8 extracts given by ms lin and write an essay by answering the questions
2. find 6 extracts on our own (2 from each era) and write a full commentary.
3. attend a professional concert (for my case, masterful mendelssohn) and write a concert report - commentary and another section of reflection/learning points.

yay it's voer. but i haven't done the bulk of stuff yet.

checklist:
1. study for math pop quiz/CT4 on graphs of functions and geometrical properties of circles (btw, the pop quiz is later)
2. polynomials assignments
3. modulus function assignment (i hate that topic! she extended the deadline but it's no use T.T )
4. LA speech (might be presenting today.. oh well)


RAHH.

by the way, i woke up at an ungodly hour of 5.20 am to complete the stupid portfolio. i finished it at around 6.30. now is 6.40. i intended to go back to sleep after finishing it, but now i obviously i can't. bleh. shall walk around like a zombie for the rest of the day, with my panda eyes and inability to concentrate. since there's MEP, my lessons will end at 5.45. good luck to me man. hope i don't piss teachers off later =X

zomg. i wanted to post about level camp. but now i've got a HUGE shock thaat takes away all intentions of posting -.-

*prepare urself*

MY PHONE CABLE HAS BEEN STOLEN.

(ok, more of thrown away i think -.- )

WHEN I WAS AWAY AT LEVEL CAMP, SOME STUPID FREAK IN MY HOUSE OPENED MY DRAWER, FOUND MY HANDPHONE BOX AND TOOK OUT LOTS OF STUFFS. THE HOLDER WAS GONE. A CHARGER WAS FOUND ALTHOUGH I ALREADY HAVE MINE. AND MY CHARGER WAS GONE. SO WAS MY HANDPHONE MANUAL.

man it sure is irritating to see such ppl prying into your stuff and throwing them away.


gosh.

The difference between Science and God 'Let me explain the problem science has with Jesus Christ.' The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?' 'Yes sir,' the student says.'So you believe in God?'

'Absolutely.'

'Is God good?'

'Sure! God's good.'

'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'

'Yes.

'Are you good or evil?'

'The Bible says I'm evil.' The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The Bible!' He considers for a moment.

'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'

'Yes sir, I would.'

'So you're good...!'

'I wouldn't say that.'

'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.'

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. 'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?'

The student remains silent.

'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

'Let's start again, young fella Is God good?'

'Er...yes,' the student says.

'Is Satan good?'

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. 'No.'

'Then where does Satan come from?'

The student : 'From...God...'

'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?' 'Yes, sir.'

'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?'

'Yes.'

'So who created evil?' The professor continued, 'If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.' Without allowing the student to answer, the professor continues:'Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?'

The student: 'Yes.'

'So who created them?'

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. 'Who created them? There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized.

'Tell me,' he continues onto another student. 'Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?'

The student's voice is confident: 'Yes, professor, I do.'

The old man stops pacing. 'Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?'

'No sir. I've never seen Him'

’Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?'

'No, sir, I have not.'

'Have you ever actually felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?'

'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'

'Yet you still believe in him?'

'Yes.''According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?'

'Nothing,' the student replies. 'I only have my faith.'

'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.'

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of his own. 'Professor, is there such thing as heat?'

'Yes,' the professor replies. 'There's heat.'

'And is there such a thing as cold?'

'Yes, son, there's cold too.'

'No sir, there isn't.'

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain.'You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.'

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?'

'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation. 'What is night if it isn't darkness?'

'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have Nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?'

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. 'So what point are you making, young man?'

'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.'

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. 'Flawed? Can you explain how?

'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student explains. 'You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.' 'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?'

'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do''Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?' The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

'Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the Commotion has subsided.

'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.' The student looks around the room. 'Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?' The class breaks out into laughter.

'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelled the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir. So if science says you have no brain,how can we trust your lectures, sir?' Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. 'I guess you'll have to take them on faith.'

'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,' the student continues. 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?'

Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.'

To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.'

The professor sat down. Pass this on if you have faith in God.

If not, still pass it on for it's a good story!

I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sunmhas risen: not only because I see it, but because byit I see everything else. - C. S. Lewis

nice story! in an email from felise :) actually, it's true that sometimes not everything can go by logic; sometimes you just have to rely on your faith.

but then again, the signs of the end times are here, aren't they? : O and it was exactly how the Bible predicted what the world would be like!

when you pray, your prayers get answered - sometimes even better than what you had originally prayed for. or when you forget to pray, or did not know which of your needs you should pray for, God provides. He answers your prayers better than what you would otherwise hope for.

well, miracles do happen. it's all a matter of your faith.

here's another one:
This one should keep us all thinking. I chose #2, now you pick one. Scripture tells us that it is the FOOL who says in his heart that there is no God.

This is a true story of something that happened just a few years ago at USC.

There was a professor of philosophy there who was a deeply committed atheist. His primary goal for one required class was to spend the entire semester to prove that God couldn't exist.

His students were always afraid to argue with him because of his impeccable logic. Sure, some had argued in class at times, but no one had ever really gone against him because of his reputation.

At the end of every semester on the last day, he would say to his class of 300 students, 'If there is anyone here who still believes in Jesus, stand up!'

In twenty years, no one had ever stood up. They knew what he was going to do next. He would say, 'Because anyone who believes in God is a fool'.

If God existed, he could stop this piece of chalk from hitting the ground and breaking Such a simple task to prove that He is God, and yet He can't do it.'

And every year, he would drop the chalk onto the tile floor of the classroom and it would shatter into a hundred pieces. All of the students would do nothing but stop and stare. Most of the students thought that God couldn't exist.

Certainly, a number of Christians had slipped through, but! For 20 years, they had been too afraid to stand up. Well, a few years ago there was a freshman who happened to enroll. He was a Christian, and had heard the stories about his professor. He was required to take the class for his major, and he was afraid.

But for three months that semester, he prayed every morning that he would have the courage to stand up no matter what the professor said, or what the class thought. Nothing they said could ever shatter his faith...he hoped.

Finally, the day came! The professor said, 'If there is anyone here who still believes in God, stand up!' The professor and the class of 300 people looked at him, shocked, as he stood up at the back of the classroom.

The professor shouted, 'You FOOL!!! If God existed, he would keep this piece of chalk from breaking when it hit the ground!' He proceeded to drop the chalk, but as he did, it slipped out of his fingers, off his shirt cuff, onto the pleat of his pants, down his leg, and off his shoe. As it hit the ground, it simply rolled away unbroken.

The professor's jaw dropped as he stared at the chalk. He looked up at the young man, and then ran out of the lecture hall.

The young man who had stood, proceeded to walk to the front of the room and shared his faith in Jesus for the next half hour. 300 students stayed and listened as he told of God's love for them and of His power through Jesus.

You have 2 choices: 1. Delete this and never look at it again. 2. Pass this along to your Christian and non-Christian friends, giving them encouragement we all need every day When you choose option 2, you have chosen to STAND UP.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke, it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.............

Isn't it funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.

Isn't it funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Isn't it funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided they do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the Bible says. Or is it scary?

Isn't it funny how someone can say 'I believe in God' but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also 'believes' in God ).

Isn't it funny how you can send a thousand jokes through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, But when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Isn't it funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but the public discussion of Jesus is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Isn't it funny how someone can be so fired up for Christ on Sunday, but be an invisible for the rest of the week.

Are you laughing? !

Isn't it funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.

Isn't it funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me.

Will YOU pass this on? . I did.

Personality test! :D (koped from theresa's blog) for right brain/left brain

1. Hold your hands together, as if you were praying.
Look at your hands.

Left thumb below right thumb: left brain.
Right thumb below left thumb: right brain.

2. Fold your arms in front of you as if you're angry.
Look at your hands.

Right arm above left arm: left brain.
Left arm above right arm: right brain.

Right-left: Considerate, traditional, indirect type. Can instinctively read others' emotions and respond friendly. Although not very into taking initiatives and moving forward, this person will always take a step back in supporting others. Stable personality and considerate, gives others a 'being protected' feeling. But their weakness is that they cannot say no. Regardless of how unwilling they are, they will still take care of others.

Right-right: Straightforward. Once decided on something, they will take action right away. Very curious and love challenges. Dare to face dangers without thinking through (sometimes foolishly). Their weakness is they don't listen to others. They will filter in only what they want to hear in a conversation, very subjective. However, because of this staightforward attitude, they tend to be very popular.

Left-left: Dedicated, cold perfectionist. Very logical in all aspects. The only way to win over (or defeat) him/her is through reasons. Has a lot of pride and feels strongly about doing the right thing. If they are your friends, they are very trustworthy. However, if they are your opponents, they will be very tough to deal with. Because they can be very "anal" as a perfectionist, they usually leave a bad impression of being hard to deal with when first met.

Left-right: Likes to take care of others, the leader type. Has a cool and keen observation ability to see through situations, yet can still be considerate in others' needs. Because of their cool, calm nature and strong sense of responsibility, they tend to become head of a group. Popular among people. However, they may not be able to help themselves in meddling because they take care of others too much. Very concerned about how others view them, and always on the alert.

haha. i used to think i was left-left; anyway the personality seems to suit me more :/ but i could never put my right arm over my left arm. just so uncomfortable.

Another quiz (from yanci's blog!)
1. What are you wishing right now?
Too many to say, hahaha.

2.If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 3 blog buddies you'd take and why?
Huh? Blog buddy? Anyway not many ppl i know have blogs.

3. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
Lots! I wanna go back USA again, see Israel (if possible, Calvary Hill), the Sistine Chapel (they say it transforms you after you visit) etc. Oh and I wanna get raptured soon and go to heaven! :)

4. If you can have 1 dream come true, what would it be?
That my this 1 dream can make ALL my wishes come true lol

5. Do you believe you can survive without money?
If we don't have money how are we going to buy food/pay bills etc? It's as good as not surviving. Dumb question.

6. What are you afraid to lose the most?
Myself?

7.If you win $ 1 Million, what would you do?
Keep some and donate some ...

8. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
OF COURSE NOT! -.-

9.List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
I wasnt tagged to do this quiz.

10. What requirement do you wish from your other half?
Too many to say. I think i'm very demanding ><

11. What kind of person do you hate the most?
Untrustworthy ppl.

12. If you are given the chance to go back to the past and make a difference, will you?
Duh.. on hindsight, i wished i could have made a greater difference ><

13. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. What does it mean to you?
The way Jesus Christ died on Calvary Cross so that I could be saved..

14. Who are your besties?
Got a lot leh. 15.

15. If there's ever a war(or things that are similar) happening in your place, are you going to move to a safer place, or fight?
Obviously move to a safer place duh -.-

16. If you have the chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
Not being strongheaded enough.. not kidding!

17. Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?
Nobody? You never know when that person would backstab you, and by the time you know it's too late to regret -.- anyway i prefer bottling, or sleeping.. so when i wake up the next day i feel ok again :)

18. What's your weakest point?
I seriously, seriously think I can be very mean >.< 3H knows why..

19. What's the thing that you're most proud of?
Being me; accepting myself for who i am - my strengths and my weaknesses?

20. Will you ever want to change your name?
Actually I already sort of changed mine liao >.< to Monique...

after today's talk, i realize it has been what i was questioning all along. maybe those suspicions were true. maybe i REALLY am in a state of denial. or maybe i'm just building a wall for protection.

damn it's so pek cek.

i'm sorry. i really didn't intend to start AP-ing and ranting on msn, and spreading my anger to you all.


how can i ever explain what i am feeling?

the tears want to come out, but just can't. i'm sorry that i vented it out on you guys subconsciously, to allieviate it.

i'm so sorry :(

omgosh. i thought LA was more or less ok but i realized it's more screwed up than ever.


i hate unambiguous, unstructured subjects.

it's like 11.28pm now and i still have 90% more of hw to complete?

man i'm super pissed now. fk it.
LA expository essay: halfway done
Nutrition concept map: one-third done
DNA concept map: NOT done
Chinese test: haven't study =.=
Math assignment: half-done

SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME I'M NOT DEAD -.-


oh, and you know something? things are not as easy as what you perceive them to be. like, you kept saying it was a giveaway - what if i'm not inclined in terms of memory work? i DID keep drilling the stuff into my head (obviously more than once), but i just can't seem to regurgiate them. my fault? obviously. my laziness? obviously. my natural disability? obviously NOT.

it's sickening to try so hard to do something that you just can't do. everytime you do it you get a glimmer of hope in your heart, only to realize that it's extinguished pretty soon. i wonder why i'm doing all these crap for. why am i feeling so lost, so empty? maybe i've been living the wrong life and doing the wrong stuffs. maybe i'm just unappreciative of what i have. maybe i must learn to accept myself for who i am. sian.

it sucks to be like this. don't ask me what i am referring to coz i obviously won't tell you!



gah i do seem to be annoyed all the time these days.
:(

yay i finally changed my blogskin! :) (at the request of huihan haha -.-)


damn i took so long trying to find a suitable skin, and trying to edit it properly -.- most skins were like.. edit already then become so weird tt i can't use it =.= for example, the tagboard and profile would be gone?!?! when i didn't do anything??


chem prac and CT2 was shit. everything is shit. die.


crap i better get back to my LA essay. been sitting here for 1 hour changing my blogskin and still didn't get any proper work done. lol.

RIP granduncle!

MY GRANDUNCLE DIED YESTERDAY.

today was the funeral. so instead of slacking (coz its labour day today), chionging homework or going CS concert, i ended up in mourning T.T actually i was supposed to go any pay respects ystd, but i slacked at home while my parents spent hours there xD

anyway, the pastor was pretty insightful today =D considering that it has been my only church service (ok the funeral wasn't held in a church) in a long time. and i can finally da gai remember Psalm 23!

Psalm 23:
The Lord is my sheperd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul.
He guides me in the path of righteousness for His name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
In the presence of my enemies.
You anoit my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
amd I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

nice right! (: interestingly, i didn't know my granduncle was a christian until CNY this year. when we went to his house, he was like God bless you. then he told us that prayer and exercise were the two most important things we must do everyday. at first i thought God referred to buddha, until i saw a Bible on the shelf. but i doubt he was able to read it coz he was more or less already blind..

anyway, the service was pretty good and insightful; it helped me to reaffirm my faith coz i rarely go to church. (ok fine it was not a real service coz the funeral wasn't held in a church, but oh well) the pastor read out psalm 23; it was familiar coz i'd seen it in orbituaries and books etc. we also sang songs - amazing grace and Jesus loves me. indeed, it was amazing grace. my grandma said that my granduncle was a very hot-tempered person who used to flare up tremendously at the slightest thing. but in his later years, he appeared to have mellowed down a lot and was determined to repent, to be pleasing in God's sight. by God's amazing grace, he changed his character and was thus able to go to heaven, to reside in a mansion that Christ prepared especially for him :D i used to think that the song 'Jesus loves me' was meant for younger kids; i recall singing that in chapel when i was still in MGS (lower primary). might have sang in kindergarten too.. can't rmb :/ but anyway, today i realized that it was meant for all children of God, regardless of their age. as pastor khong once said in service, when we become a christian we become a baby (in Christ?), and a baby cannot be left alone; it needs to be taken care of. agreed; regardless of how old we may be, we all become babies when we are born again into Christ.

the pastor was telling the congregation about how 'late brother soh' became a christian. his wife had just died; later that day, the pastor went to his house. they led him into prayer to accept Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and saviour. according to the pastor, he was sincere in his prayer coz he wanted to be where his wife was after he died.. i believe that prayer must have changed his heart. seven years later, on 30th april 2008, he went back home to the Lord..

now my aunty (his only child) is like aiyo. she is like in such a daze and completely alone now that both her parents have returned to the Lord. and no, she has not accepted Christ as her personal Lord and saviour yet. the pastor prayed for her to accept Him, and we believe she will =D

the worst part is that, in addition to being an only child, she is unmarried; thus she has no husband or child(ren) to lean on for support during this trying time. furthermore, she's quite an introvert who has not been having much of a social life due to her main focus for the past few years being taking care of her elderly parents. thus, she probably does not have any close friend whom she can count on now.. and being 55 years old already (not young!), retirement seems so close, yet so far..

although we were never close to that aunty, to us, she appears to be entering a tough, lonely stage of her life now. all alone...

at mandai colubarium, the coffin moves by itself with the help of some kind of trolley to the place where it gets cremated. today, as i watched, it appeared like he is making the last journey here on earth alone.. he came into the world alone, and now he leaves alone.. into the place where those of us who are still living often wonder about..

dust to dust, and ashes to ashes.

RIP granduncle, may you dwell in the house of the Lord forever (:

gosh. i am so irritated.



i may just explode if it continues like this.

wow. ESTJs only make up 8.7% of the total population. that's super rare can. but not as rare as INFJ, only 1%.


and since ESTJs are mostly males, there are very few female ESTJs

Conclusion: i'm unique =D

zi lian

ESTJ
organized, group oriented, focused, conventional, leader, emotionally stable, anal, attention seeking, planner, realistic, fearless, responsible, finisher, decisive, norm following, respects authority, punctual, hard working, stiff, self confident, thinks rules and regulations are important, follows the rules, clean, outgoing, social, content, does not like being alone, normal, regular, does not like weird or strange people / things - intolerant of differences, strict, disciplined, aggressive, assertive, content, happy, proper, formal, strict with self, meticulous, strong sense of purpose

favored careers:
executive, ceo, supervisor, business consultant, manager, strategist, financial planner, business person, office manager, public relations manager, international business specialist, business analyst, management consultant, operations manager, loan officer, lawyer, marketing, sports management, government employee, investment banker

disfavored careers:
poet, artist, songwriter, musician, novelist, art therapist, theatre teacher, art curator, film editor, video game designer, photo journalist, travel writer, actor, record store owner, camera operator, art historian, music teacher

omgosh, very true! O.O

Portrait of an ESTJ - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging(Extraverted Thinking with Introverted Sensing)

The Guardian
As an ESTJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.

ESTJs live in a world of facts and concrete needs. They live in the present, with their eye constantly scanning their personal environment to make sure that everything is running smoothly and systematically. They honor traditions and laws, and have a clear set of standards and beliefs. They expect the same of others, and have no patience or understanding of individuals who do not value these systems. They value competence and efficiency, and like to see quick results for their efforts.

ESTJs are take-charge people. They have such a clear vision of the way that things should be, that they naturally step into leadership roles. They are self-confident and aggressive. They are extremely talented at devising systems and plans for action, and at being able to see what steps need to be taken to complete a specific task. They can sometimes be very demanding and critical, because they have such strongly held beliefs, and are likely to express themselves without reserve if they feel someone isn't meeting their standards. But at least their expressions can be taken at face-value, because the ESTJ is extremely straight-forward and honest.

The ESTJ is usually a model citizen, and pillar of the community. He or she takes their commitments seriously, and follows their own standards of "good citizenship" to the letter. ESTJ enjoys interacting with people, and likes to have fun. ESTJs can be very boisterous and fun at social events, especially activities which are focused on the family, community, or work.

The ESTJ needs to watch out for the tendency to be too rigid, and to become overly detail-oriented. Since they put a lot of weight in their own beliefs, it's important that they remember to value other people's input and opinions. If they neglect their Feeling side, they may have a problem with fulfilling other's needs for intimacy, and may unknowingly hurt people's feelings by applying logic and reason to situations which demand more emotional sensitivity.

When bogged down by stress, an ESTJ often feels isolated from others. They feel as if they are misunderstood and undervalued, and that their efforts are taken for granted. Although normally the ESTJ is very verbal and doesn't have any problem expressing themself, when under stress they have a hard time putting their feelings into words and communicating them to others.
ESTJs value security and social order above all else, and feel obligated to do all that they can to enhance and promote these goals. They will mow the lawn, vote, join the PTA, attend home owners association meetings, and generally do anything that they can to promote personal and social security.

The ESTJ puts forth a lot of effort in almost everything that they do. They will do everything that they think should be done in their job, marriage, and community with a good amount of energy. He or she is conscientious, practical, realistic, and dependable. While the ESTJ will dutifully do everything that is important to work towards a particular cause or goal, they might not naturally see or value the importance of goals which are outside of their practical scope. However, if the ESTJ is able to see the relevance of such goals to practical concerns, you can bet that they'll put every effort into understanding them and incorporating them into their quest for clarity and security.

http://www.personalitypage.com/ESTJ.html


ESTJ.. i'm proud to be one.. somewhere in between my parents. my dad is an ISTJ and my mum's an ESFJ. which means i've got my dad's coldness and my mum's extroversion. which befits me perfectly :) my dad insists that i'm an ISTJ, just like him. but nobody else who knows me at least slightly better will agree that i'm introverted :D (ok maybe they used to, but not anymore muahahaha.)

actually there are not that many ESTJs around, especially female ones. they say ESTJ is the most masculine of all the personality types. i once read somewhere that while the female ESTJ is satisfied with her feminity, she's quite 'manly' in the way she does things. as a child growing up, she would often be told 'little girls don't do things this way'. as a working woman, she will be the mst career-oriented among all personality types:) yayness. which means my career would be quite ok i guess xD haha jkjk.

the strengths and the weaknesses of an ESTJ are omgosh.. scarily accurate for me leh!! like, they say an ESTJ may be too rigid, coz of their strongheadedness. a lot of times, ppl think i'm very strongheaded and stubborn. although i don't know why coz i always have this impression that i don't have enough strength of mind.

another thing is, the ESTJ, while extroverted, is very uncomfortable sharing his/her innermost thoughts. like me.. whenever i feel emo, i will just bottle everything inside coz don't feel comfortable telling others how i feel mah. a lot of ppl of other personality types tell me that this isn't healthy, but o well, it's just me LOL. :D yeah, we ESTJs are extroverted and like mixing with ppl, but we are just uncomfortable in sharing private stuff. it sounds contradicting, but it's true wow!

at first, i was wondering what careers would be suitable for an ESTJ. but in practically every website i've been to, they say tt suitable careers include: judge/lawyer, business manager, military officer O.O and teacher. of course, i can't eveer envision myself being a teacher (my grandparents keep talking about me becoming a piano teacher next time -.- ) but yes, i want to be a lawyer, and yay my personality is compatible!! proves that i know myself. haha.

a lot of ppl ask why don't i want to become a journalist/writer/pianist or something of that sort. i dunno.. i just don't think i have the personality for it. no patience, no passion (ok, i quite like piano, but i don't wanna turn professional) and no creativity. maybe this explains why i just cannot do creative writing. haha.

been slacking the whole morning, coz today is speech day. funny why practically nobody is online. don't tell me they're all involved in speech day stuffs? or all went out is it? this is super weird can. haha. i feel like talking on msn to ppl, but the thing is, they're all not onliene =.=

shall go make better use of my life now!


bye for now! :)

i'm sick! :( have not been this sick for very long liao.

on fri my throat was itchy the entire day.
yesterday got a hell lot of phlegm, fever started
today: fever became a lot worse, finished a whole pack of fisherman's friend bought yesterday night. now relying on lozenges and strepsils (the extra strong one) to keep my throat sane.


spent practically the whole day sleeping =D and dreamt. normally i have dreamless sleep. then tonight went to see doctor lor, got MC for tmr. but will still try to tahan until after band.

then my fever subsided. then came back. then subsided again.
and MY THROAT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! :O

the lozenges is making my tongue numb.

don't care luhh. i die die also muz go to school tmr. having bio and physics test this week mah. what if teacher says something important and i'm not there so i missed out?

***

on friday, our FAVOURITE lesson was really very entertaining and amusing. =D just before the lesson, at least half of the class went to toilet LOL! but i went coz i really needed to, not coz of needing to walk walk. so of coz, we made our dear teacher very pissed off -_-

after i came back, she went out of the class to see how long the rest would come back lor. so the rest of us faster chiong back to our places just so that we could pacify her.

after dunno how many light years, she decided to come back in.

then came the highlight of the day! (: i couldn't have wished for a better climax to the start of the lesson!


"I AM ON THE VERGE OF LEAVING THIS PLACE."
O.O oh my goodness.

talk, talk , talk.

"class chairperson?" *stares at yeukho*
*yeukho looks malu*

after a few seconds (which felt much more than tt..), yeukho finally realized he forgot to greet.
"class stand." *we all stand up*
"class sit." *we sit down*
"class stand."
"class sit."
we were made to repeat it like dunno how many times ok! LOL!

then for one of the times, when she made us stand, she was staring at yiping that side luhh. she was glaring at us very fiercely, and she thought not everyone was standing. actually everyone was =.= according to hillary's blog, joceline said," OMG she's seeing things that we can't see."

then our darling teacher said we were very childish. "yall are like in K3 (obviously no such thing luhh -.-) or P3. so from now on, i shall address yall as Primary 3H."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
i was trying so hard to stifle my laughter, but my whole body was shaking luhh. so i covered my mouth and kept coughing =.= at least she didn't notice the difference in my coughing from regular coughing.

evidently i was't the only one feeling this way (: a lot of ppl were trying to stifle their laughter too.


the lesson was pretty interesting too, until the extent that yitian and i started playing with our rubik's cubes under the table. then yitian's one got a sound whenever she turned the cube, and our teacher heard it. so she said "someone is playing with the cube."

walao, yitian was so engrossed in cubing, she didn't notice what the teacher said. so continue playing lor.

after awhile," that person still has not given up."

=.=

***

yesterday had math viva.. was better than the effing screwed-up math CT i guess. but i dunno how i did, coz i dunno how they grade vivas mah.

then chiong to city hall to discuss the LA script thingy. not the whole group came, including the 2 hiong ones (steffi and hang yin). so we spent almost all the time being retarded lor. did very little =.=

then went for piano lesson. by then, i was coughing very badly.

***

spent practically the whole day sleeping today. and oh shit i think my fever is coming back.


sian.


bye.
don't fall sick ppl! (:

oh f. stupid effing math CT. f f f f f f.



T.T

OMGOSH. I am like super pissed at someone now. (a person that you won't be able to think of luhh. so stop guessing, haha.)


i can't explain how disappointed and pissed i am with you. i liked you; i trusted you; i told you stuff that i would have been uncomfortable to share with others. at first sight, you seemed kind and caring--someone whom i would have felt would be a good friend. if anyone asked me anytime before today whether i doubted your trustworthiness, i would have said no. throughout all the years that i knew you, you seemed genuine and sincere. was i deceived?


yet, today, you still betrayed my trust like nobody's business. you told other people the same stuff which i told you. ugh.