Lots of things have been happening lately, and it leaves me wondering about even more things :/

on thurs morn, we ran 5 rounds for PE. I thought, since I don't have the chance to exercise often, I should just use the opportunity to run faster. Was initially happy that I was the 4th or 5th girl to reach :D

Unfortunately, I got a stomache ): so I just sat down lor. But soon, the pain was so bad that I couldn't move. As if it wasn't bad enough, I had to throw up. I was so embarrassed; I wasn't even able to run to the toilet. I dared not look at my classmates, even though I think they were all staring.

But thanks Hang Yin and everyone else who helped me or just asked if I was ok or not :) thankfully, I was ok after awhile. Although I don't know why this happened; I didn't feel dehydrated nor had heartburn. And I didn't know Q was so nice to me. I thought he was merely a better version of **** **.

Was perfectly fine after a drink and could pay attention in class yay :)

***

Yesterday was the worst lah! Was damn unlucky, had it first thing in the morning ): I was hoping it could be ignored. But it was.. err..

So I brought my jacket to school, hoping that this was all I needed to do.

Everytime the air con blew on me, the pain would worsen. I was damn bloody bloated; I hate to think about what would happen if anyone accidentally hit my stomach area. By the time it was HCL, the pain was back-breaking and spread to my stomach. I couldn't pay attention, couldn't take notes, couldn't concentrate.. all I could do was lie on the table. Luckily they helped me adjust the air-con so it didn't blow on me. I was in such pain that I couldn't just stand up and do it myself. And in the middle of HCL, P asked if I was ok or not. I didn't know how to reply him, so I just said I wasn't feeling well. Then he told me to go sleep. I was surprised.. I didn't expect him to be such a nice person :/

Then xielaoshi asked if I was ok, so I said "that thing.. very pain.." LOL. She asked if it was the stomach, and if I needed to go general office. I said no. I didn't want to miss any lessons because of this stupid thing lah. Hui Han, it must have been worse for you coz yours was the whole day..

For physics, we were supposed to wait for Mr Hong outside the physics lab. The lack of air-con there alleviated my pains A LOT, but it was still so painful that I had to sit on the steps coz standing up was a chore in itself. Luckily he didn't come.. I can't imagine bouncing tennis balls with my back and stomach about to break. Or worse still, telling him about the reason for my pain.

Fortunately during ACE, the pain went away yay! Could sit up ^^ and yeah, I was able to go for band. Like thankfully :)

The only good thing was the Math Pop Quiz. I was predicting to be killed, coz I was doing math on thurs night and realized that there were still a lot of sums I didn't know how to do. However, it turned out to be like, 3 questions in half an hour! And those questions were zomgosh how to say.. freaking easy. I finished in around 5-10 min. Slacked around for the remaining time. Reminds me of primary school test.. everytime finish liao still got a lot of time left. If only the actual CT can be as easy.. but sadly, don't think it's possible though ): SUPER HENG, my pain hadn't set in then. If not I might not have been able to do the quiz at all!

Super relieved, didn't vomit yesteday :) last time mine was quite bad lah, vomit up to 3 times a day. Vomit once very good liao..

***

Today was LA filming at Si Jin's house. All we did was a bit of the montage :( quite unproductive huh. And I tried playing her sis' violin. Felt so light and fragile compared to my cello that I was apprehensive at first : luckily I managed to tune it without breaking the string XD

And I didn't know Si Jin and Steffi could strum the guitar so well! Sounds quite nice lah, but given a choice, I still won't learn guitar. For some reason, guitar has never really appealed to me.

Then had piano lesson, followed by tuition. And for the first time, my hamster got pissed with my tutor (who is supposed to be her favourite person) LOLOLOL. Super funny.

4 tests down, more than 5 more to go. Don't want to count the exact number for fear that I'll end up scaring myself :

Now is 11.32pm and I still have yet to understand physics and practice my cello. Bleh!

***

Sometimes I seriously wonder if I'm taking on too many things. Triple science, MEP, HSSRP, 2 instruments (inclusive of a piano diploma) and all the other what-nots. Bleh I really don't think I can cope. To be honest, I haven't been making time to go to church, which is supposed to be my first priority?!?!

Really feel like giving up some commitments, but I only have this one chance to do well for all the tasks and opportunities I've been given. I believe I've screwed up more than enough when I was younger; it's time to undo the damage and work even harder to make up for all that I've lost.

Haha, Valencia's Triple S. For me, it's:
Stress, Sian, Sickened. Got a lot more actually lah.

SWO concert tomorrow night :) But I wonder if I really should go, considering the amount of tests I have to conquer :/ not that I don't want to support SWO arh!!

My marks are at stake, so my future is at stake too.

And I'm still here blogging -.-

***

While on the way to piano lesson just now, I was thinking about a particular conversation and a lot of other things that have been happening lately. I wonder if I'm hypocritical, trying to believe that things are going fine when they're far from it. Or am I just over-sensitive?

Maybe things are as bad as what others think they are; maybe even worse. Or maybe there has been too much speculation :/ it's depressing and energy-draining to think about this kind of thing. It saps all my energy I should be investing into my work.

But I can't close one eye forever!

And I can't ignore problems forever!
They will just blow up one day and become too difficult for anyone to handle. Much as I would like to run away and pretend my life is fine, I wonder how long would I be able to do that. Seriously, I think I've grown to be VERY suspicious. I don't trust a single soul anymore!

But then again, I don't want to pity myself for living a crap life. In the first place, it's not exactly very nice to believe you're living a crap life -.-

It's pretty hard I admit : bleh, just have to put on a mask and fight whatever battle that has been presented to me.