1 day to math CT on statistics.

12 days to DHRP Symposium.

15 days to MEP Practical.

22 days to MEP Theory Prelim Paper.

56 days to EOYs.

MEP O-level Wordsetting paper has already began.

So many things to do, so little time. Will be having piano lesson tonight.. sigh there goes my time for revising statistics. SHIT.

Life has become increasingly unbearable. I promised myself not to tell people why.. it's much more complicated than just having shit grades alone.
I don't want to become too emotionally attached to anything or anyone; makes it so hard when you want to let go.
I hope I don't give up, or give in.

On a happy random note, PE and MEP tmr. I hope my Higher Music Essay is good enough. And we're getting back the listening exercise on the Mass. But I don't know if the voice is tenor or bass.. it may have been 1 mark gone already :(

Life is hard, trying to cope with studies, music and interpersonal relationships. But life is nothing much without these three things. :/

Been thinking a lot these days and getting lots of strange dreams -.- feeling emo like all the time. But Lisha, you musn't shed tears in front of other people..

I'm sorry that I'm becoming increasingly sad by day.
Don't ask me why, I don't feel like saying.
Some people know but if you're not among them, I doubt you'll have any idea on what I'm saying.
The next time I _______ I'm going to __________.
It's wrong to do this but I realize that I've come to the point where I don't care anymore.
BP project, screw you. Taking up the time I could have used for studying chem.
Chem, screw you. Taking up the time I could have used for piano.
Total shit man, I tell you.
'Screw life. :D

Hello. Week 2 has been INCREDIBLY stressful :( just hope I don't fail my math (I bet I failed this CT.. sigh..)

My hamster is damn funny. :D

I just changed its brand of hamster food, thinking that it would be tastier and more nutritious. So I threw away the old food (which looked kind of mouldy eew) and gave it the new one.

Being the picky Oreo that he always is, at first he refused to open his mouth. The most he would go would be to sniff at the food.

But when he realized that there's nothing else for him to eat, he reluctantly started eating.

Hello folks, this is my hamster. Who is evidently fussier than humans when it comes to food. Lol

Can someone please tell me why I feel like crying.

Wow. It's been really long since I last came to revive this dead-and-rotting blog. Never left it to decompose for so long =.=

As usual, lots of things have been happening since the last update. I'll not go into details; am just going to leave a few points here for your easy reference:

1. My Filipino maid went back after 4.5 years. No, she didn't cry @ Changi Airport.
2. My Myanmar maid came the same day. She was fired in 13 days (less than 2 weeks). 'Nuff said.
3. Now, I don't have a maid and am not intending to get a new one -.-
4. School's stressful. Flopped a lot of subjects, especially bio. Am currently the most satisfied with Physics (it's not that great lah but anyway.. hahaha). The rest of my subjects are much worse.
5. Been having a funny stomach for a few days. Woke up with stomache yesterday and had diarrohea since then. Medicine doesn't seem to work. Don't know if it's stomach flu :/
6. Mother's Day - Happy Mother's Day to my mum, my grandmas, my godma (ok she doesn't really have kids but nvm) and all other mothers out there! :D
7. School incidents have been quite HILARIOUS. This sentence sounds weird and random; don't bother guessing though you probably already know by now.
8. I like CS concert! Was laughing throughout many of the items. Siting you acted so well as the cruel stepmother, can be compared to Lady Macbeth! Hahaha :)
9. Surprise surprise. I finally went to church on Good Friday. But other than that one time, no more, no less. Yep.
10. Band SYF - silver, in case you don't already know. Damn sad can :(

Speaking of music, after almost half a year of hiatus thanks to waiting for the teacher, I can finally resume piano lessons, but now at Methodist Music School. All I can say about piano is that I'm getting more and more pekcek. Can't add in too many details here on my blog.

Band concert on 6 June. We're playing Carmen Suite. Held at PAC for $10 ONLY! Hahaha. Seriously lah can someone come? I haven't sold any of my tix yet! -.-

.. there are lots more to talk about, but not very positive, so.. just leave it like this..

i have no one to talk about those other things with. people can understand, but i just can't bring myself to tell them. feel like some fucking piece of shit.yes, thanks to YOU. :)

Have been thinking a lot lately. Really don't know what to do now. Part of me tells me that I should just give up in whatever I do coz it's not worth doing, but the other part of me tells me that I must keep on running the race of life's competition.

I really don't know what I am in for. I am a little scared of listening, maybe even to the point of being paranoid, but then again, I guess I have my grounds for doing so. I'm feeling really helpless now. Neither will I dare to tell people too much; you never know when all these private information may just fall into the wrong hands. Walls have ears, anyway.

Oh well. Too bad, too sad, accept that. Just do what life gives you and don't expect for more or less.

By the way, I've been feeling spiritually dry and undernourished. I know I need God and I know He's always there, but part of me just feels empty in the sense that I can't connect with Him properly. Don't get me wrong, I'm not backsliding, just that I find myself becoming increasingly cut off from the rest of the world, including God. Sigh. It's exactly like a desert oasis that has long dried up, leaving only dry, parched, cracked sand behind.

May things get better soon.

There. I KNEW I'd screw it.

FUCK IT. :(

Hey my blog (tagboard included) has never been so dead -.- thx to Siyao for helping to revive it! :D

Life has been pretty much a mundane, it's mostly school + band. Weekends spent sleeping in I guess.

1. SYF is on 3rd April :O damn I'm UNPREPARED -.-
2. HSSRP Symposium on 4th April (I just found out TODAY)
3. I had a nasty bout of flu >:(
4. My flu recovered and I had this really ^&(*&%%$ throat infection, which spread to my gums
5. I couldn't talk/eat/swallow properly for the past few days.. omg pure TORTURE..
6. I had to talk with my mouth CLOSED T_T
7. Thank God that I managed to see a specialist @ East Shore Hospital on tues after school. Could start talking properly yesterday (wed) and the pain is a lot better today! :D
8. Had combined strings tutorial today. Very few people turned up -.-
9. Hist SBQ Essay is due tmr and I totally forgot until I saw Hillary's facebook :O now is 10.54pm and I just started! Argh.
10. My birthday is on this coming wed :D 16 feels ancient =.= strangely, I don't feel much excitement this year compared to last year. I don't even feel like celebrating it leh :X

Better go now, need to chiong hist essay! Rahh.

Hello world.

Something very bad happened on Friday.. I think only Ruonan has some idea about how badly things turned out, but even then she doesn't know everything. Was feeling so bad that I felt like crying. Teared on the way home. Emo-ed throughout dinner, and had no mood to eat everything at one shot. Ate about one quarter of it, and my maid threw the rest away by mistake. I'm actually thankful to her for it.

Saturday: breakfast was one-quarter of butterfly pastry. Dinner @ Esplanade. Had oyster omelette, char kway teow and hokkien mee with my parents. Omg wow. But Mum complained that Dad ordered too much though. Under normal circumstances, I would have disputed her claim. But even though I was enjoying the taste of the food, I had to like stuff it into my mouth. Just didn't feel like eating.

Today is Sunday. Breakfast was glutinous rice that parents brought to their friend's place for potluck. Again, stuffing myself despite my heart and mind telling my mouth not to lol. Dinner was my all-time favourite bar chor kway teow (dry) @ Rail Mall. Didn't enjoy it much though. Only ate half a piece of Ya Kun Kaya Toast; parents took the other 3.5 pieces. Totally no mood to eat. :(

Ruonan says I must eat more, if not I won't be able to get in tune lol. But after what happened on Friday, my huge appetite has diminished. I'm not dieting/fasting, serious. It's just that.. what happened has caused me to have no mood for eating -- one of my favourite pastimes. Sigh.

It's really amazing how irritating people never fail to get the better of me. They seem to have perfect knowledge of which buttons to push, what words to use and where all my nerves are located. Because they succeed every time.

Oh man, how long more? -.-

School is starting tomorrow -- time really flies! -- it is going to be the beginning of Week 5. At the end of this week, half a term aka one-eighth of a year would have elapsed. I wonder what this year would bring. I hope massive grievances wouldn't be part of the package ok.

What. The. Fuck.

Is it wrong to want to achieve more?

Haiz.. was talking to someone yesterday. It was a meaningful conversation, but left me feeling very emo :( we argued, but didn't quarrel, but that's not the point. I realized that my experiences have left me with perceptions that contribute to my value system today. And as a person, as a Christian, perhaps what I believe in isn't exactly ideal?

I seriously felt like crying, but thankfully, no tears (: maybe that person is right. Maybe I should embrace change. Maybe that's what is hindering me.

I don't know what to do.

Hmm school has just started and lessons will be pretty (or rather, very) hiong this year I guess.

Lisha is stressed :(


1. Drawing magnetic field lines is fun I guess :) hope my lousy art doesn't pull me down! (I can only draw stick figures decently leh)

2. Mr Ng told us (right-handers) to practice drawing with our left hand everyday, which is supposed to help our intonation and musical sensivity. As I am practically 100% left-brained, I guess I really need to do this! If not I shall flop indoor test, SYF, ARSM Dip etcetc.. CHOY!

3. I MUST IMPROVE MY GPA. Even if it means sleeping @ 2am and waking up @ 6am even on weekends. (But given my pathetique standard of self-discipline, I'll prolly wake up @ 10am -.-)

4. I am confused, as seen from my MSN nick.

5. I need to practice my math, if not I won't be able to follow Mr Yap in class. Matrices are quite confusing T_T in short, I need to STUDY NOWWW.

6. This is the first year I'm having a guy (Mr Jeffery Ng) as my form teacher. Haha ok random. He's nice lah.

7. The above point does not mean that I (or rather, we) won't miss Ms Low.. (P.s. I hope she invites us to her house to eat again lolololol) xD

8. I MUST NOT flop my internal exams & O-levels (HCL and MEP). 1 flop and I guess I'm done for.

9. Needa do something about my spiritual growth. ><

***

Ok I shall post my New Year's Resolutions here, but only briefly in case the information falls into the wrong hands. I wanna get better grades, become more musically inclined (i.e. stop going out of tune T_T be more sensitive, better technique/interpretation), acquire more values (self-discipline, diligence, no more procrastination etc) and become a better Christian. I guess yall should know what I mean. But it's hard :/ sighhh..

And I've gained some weight during the holidays. HALLELUJAH.

Which means I needa exercise to shed off the extra kilos. :(

***

Yep that's all for now, bye :)

Hey.. orientation was really tiring today!! Was practically running all over Singapore & my legs are still aching D: but it was really fun! Coz it was the first time we went on an excursion (?) without the usual school bus and teachers accompanying us and whatnots. Just 2 facils and 11 of us. Plus, there was all that calorie-burning (I hope) :D hopefully it burned away my KFC lunch too! Was on the verge of indigestion after eating.. my stomach is just so picky I guess.

And I realized that I stained my brand-new bag with JUICE!!! ARGH. Luckily it's dark green and stained at the bottom so it's not really obvious. But I hope a trail of ants don't get attracted to it leh. Haven't got time to wash it coz was busy touching up MEP, and the juice stinks I tell you. :(

Then went for band. I like the new sectionals rooms; they're air-conditioned with nice carpets and soundproof walls! And blur Ruonan wore her shoes inside for damn long, only to get laughed at by the rest of us T_T The next indoor will be on 16th jan, I hope I can be prepared in time. Band again tmr.. dry run for CCA Orientation and hopefully I get to self-prac too. MY SKILLS ARE DETETIORIATING FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT AHHH... I bet Mr Ng realized this too D:

Ok, need to send out my MEP Essay Proposal and then go to sleep -- something which I have been craving for since today's Street Chase!

Goodnight, everyone! :D

Hello people.. have not been posting here for very long. I doubt anyone even comes here to look at this dead blog.

Well I guess I have been in a pensieve mood for the past few weeks.. too many things on my plate and I just don't feel like telling others about it or even consider the thought of becoming a social butterfly. Hmm maybe I should just take a life retreat -- handle everything slowly and calmly until I've gained my sanity back.

School reopened two days ago, and I must say it's nice to see 3H'08 again, or rather 4H'09. Been ages since I last contacted/saw any of them. But the sad thing is that Ms Low is not our form teacher anymore; she isn't even our Math teacher!!! Bleh I bet many people will miss her, including myself ): but Mr Ng seems like a nice form teacher anyway, so I guess I shall just look on the bright side :) hahahahaha.

Thought of doing a post to sum up 2008, but the year has been so interesting and colourful that it would take a longggg blog post to sum up everything, thus I shall not bother about it. All I can say is that I guess I've matured over the past year, met lots of impactful people and experiences and changed my perspective of life by quite a fair bit. Although yeah, I've still retained many aspects of my personality. But I know that God intends all these changes -- regardless of whether they were painful or pleasant -- for the best, so I'm glad to have a Dad who cares for me all the way. :D

Lastly, Charismatic or Methodist -- which is better? I don't know. God, give me a sign! *worried*

You know what? I'm really tired.

Physically, I'm ok, just that mentally, I'm superrrr.. drained. I guess I've come to the point where neither words nor tears can ever express what I feel now. Where my heart should have been is just an empty vacuum, devoid of any emotions lol.

I'm really disgusted by what I see, and the worst part is that I can't do anything to stop it. I'm glad I've told myself not to love others so easily. (When I say love, I'm talking about loving people in general; not only in terms of romantic relationships.) This is the opposite to what the Bible says but nvm. I know you're supposed to love everyone unconditionally just like how Christ loved us; no matter how unworthy they may be, we must love them. But seriously, when they hurt/irritate/upset us, is the love really worth it? It's like, you know you're in for a whacking when you provoke someone, but you provoke him anyway.

But without love, the world would be even more cold and hard, right? :/

What a way to celebrate Christmas! Christ is love, but I'm losing faith in love..


MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! :)

Wow, it's been a long long while since I lasted updated. To be frank, I've gotten rid of most of my blogging addiction already.

Well, I didn't go for church camp D: I really hope that God, my caregroup and the rest of my church friends are not angry with me! It's just that missing band camp isn't exactly the right thing to do. I'd miss a normal practice but not band camp. However, I feel that God has revealed His plans to me in another way. During this band camp, I feel that I was able to bond a lot more with my section :) I'm not trying to sound corny here, but I think it is my duty as a senior and SL to be there for my juniors especially during this time -- intensive training. More importantly, God help me to realize, once again, how deep is my love for music. Yes, I was aware that music is an important part of my life, but I thought I could abandon it for more important things e.g. studies. (I went on piano hiatus a few weeks prior to EOYs, and my technique sucks now.) :( but come to think of it, the day I abandon music will probably be the saddest day of my life. I could feel the excitement and exuberance of worship coursing through the blood in my veins as I played my cello; it's not even my first instrument. Yet I felt so happy playing it. I don't know if I was daydreaming, but I seemed to sense Jesus being happy with what I was doing.

Which leads me to recall what Ms Low said to me after looking through my portfolio earlier this year. I had written that I completed my piano Grade 8 exam in Sec 1, and was now aiming for my Diploma. She asked me if it might have been God's plan for me to eventually become a concert pianist. But I told her no, competition is tough and I'm nothing special; furthermore, it isn't very practical in Singapore.

Then why do I keep fantasizing about performing solos after solos, concertos after concertos?!?! o.o

Because that's what I really like? What I really really want?

But I feel that choosing a career is more about practicality, not so much about what you like. True, you don't choose a career you totally detest, but it must definitely give you a sense of security with regard to tomorrow.

Now I'm stuck at a crossroad, unsure of what to do =.= shall just wait and see how God reveals His plans at the appropriate times..

[edit/]
The Bible says it's important to love, but sometimes it's really hard :/ when the people you love constantly hurt and disappoint you and let you down, what is the purpose of loving them? Yes it's true that love is a nice feeling to have around, but when you don't experience love, you don't know what you're missing out on, so it won't really hurt you I guess. But when you have loved and lost, you might not be able to withstand it emotionally. So is it really worth it to love others? And what is the point of believing in love?

Confused - beyond tears;
My nicenice msn nick :)

Ok random -.-

So my fate is sealed. And I miss you ):

Haiz I seriously wonder how much more do I need to keep sacrificing for SOME people. A little bit is ok but sometimes it gets too ._____.

On a brighter note, I read Jacq's blog and 1 post was on how God disciplines those He loves (you know the one in Hebrews?).. He challenges you through tough times so you are able to grow. I recently realized that this is what has been happening to me these few years, coz He wants me to grow in the area of faith. Which is what I've been seriously lacking for so long.

It all started with PSLE results. I wouldn't say I was the most hardcore mugger P6 student ever, but I believed that I put in my fair share of work too. So when I got 257, my world totally crashed. My hopes, dreams and plans were gone with the wind; so were my entire family's expectations of me. (A lot of people predicted that I would get around 260+) My godmother, whom I perceive to be a strong Christian, was concerned and prayed for me.. she got this answer: this was entirely God's plan.

Because of my PSLE fiasco, from then on I was convinced that God's perfect plan would be my worst nightmare. And when life didn't get better, I still believed in God, but I also believed that I would always be the unlucky one -- never the head, always the tail..

... Which was what caused me to begin backsliding around 1 or 2 weeks ago. Suddenly, I was wondering, why would a good God allow all this crap to be happening in my life? Is it worth it to serve Him and follow Him, when what He wants for you is what you absolutely despise? I was totally confused. I thought, maybe it's better if I become a free thinker; I don't have to worry about following a less-than-exemplary life's path, and God can worry about one less Christian who is not walking right with Him. But on the other hand, part of me still knew that I needed God, coz life's battles and challenges may just be too daunting to handle alone.

I also thought of laying off church, prayer, Bible reading and the like for one or two months, before returning back to Christ. But that idea didn't fully appeal to me either.

Then a few days later, I was reading the Bible and some verses (which I forgot -.-) spoke very clearly to me: God knew my plight. Suddenly my faith became stronger, and I decided that yes, I will remain a Christian. And now, I have decided that I won't just serve Christ, I will be His faith-filled servant. :D

Sigh, I know Jessica (sheperd) and all my other CG mates are super worried about this.. instead of responding well to God's tests, I back out. God, I'm so sorry :( please forgive me!!

So I've decided on writing a long letter to God, telling Him exactly what happened, how I feel and what caused me to backslide. I know that He already knows all this by the back of His hand, but I just want to tell Him everything in writing. I'll probably destroy it after I complete it, or chuck it in a drawer full of scrap paper that I don't touch.. whatever it is, I don't think I'm showing it to anyone :P

I'm starting my journey of faith from scratch. It's scary sometimes, believing in something you cannot see and have absolutely no proof of. But that's how God works -- through faith-filled miracles. So Lord, I pray that You grant me faith, courage, hope and trust in You.. and please don't let me backslide again. Amen.

LAYER ONE: Spell your name with animals
Lion
Insects
Schnauzer
Hen
Ant


LAYER TWO:
Name: Lisha
Birthday: 18 March 93'
Nick Name: Sha!
Location: Singapore
Eye Colour: Black
Natural Hair Colour: Brown
Right or left: Right

LAYER THREE:
Shoes you wore today: Pumps
Your perfect pizza: I like all kinds. No particular favourite.
Best holiday: USA 2 years ago! <3>
Most missed memory: :D got a lot lah. 3H 08' 2J '07 etcetc.

LAYER FOUR:
How many pets do you have: 1 hamster! (:
If you got to go anywhere in the world, where would you go: New York. The Holy City (is it in Jerusalem?) Anywhere in Europe. Russia. California.. again!!! :) :) :)
The last movie you saw at cinemas: Enchanted.. ok I know I'm super outdated it was like.. last year?!?!
Who you went with: My cousin Eunice! =)

LAYER FIVE:
Pepsi or Coke: COKE.
McDonald’s or Burger King: MACS.
Adidas or Nike: Fine with both, but I like Nike more. Adidas is cheaper though..
Lipton or Nestea: Not much difference, but probably Nestea lah. Hahaha.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Depends. Usually choc ba..

LAYER SIX:
Do You…Curse: SURE. YES IT'S MY GUILTY PLEASURE xD A HABIT I CAN NEVER SEEM TO KICK.. (much to the dismay of a lot of people >.<)
Do you sing: Sometimes, not very often though.
Get motion sickness: Yup. Quite a lot.
Think you’re a health freak: No lah. I eat anything that's nice. :P
Get along with your parents: Yup :) at least I TRY to k!
Play an instrument: Yeah, 2 in fact.

LAYER SEVEN: In the past month…
Drank alchohol: Yup, at my grandfather's birthday party dinner! -x3
Number of Drugs: Never. I didn't even take panadol when I was practically dying from the pain yesterday ok!
Gone to the mall: Duh =.=
Eaten an entire pizza: No?!?! My stomach will be swollen and I'll gain 2kg T_T
Been on stage: No..
Gone skating: No..
Made homemade cookie: No.. only a brownie for my mum's birthday.

LAYER EIGHT:
Have you ever… Been in big trouble with your parents: Yeah, I ever cursed and swore in front of them >.< (exact words used are too atrocious to be typed here!)
Lied about your age: Lol yeah. When I was going to get my ears pierced. I was about 4 or 5 and I told the person I was 8 =.=
Sed a fake ID: No?

LAYER NINE:
Age you hope to be married: Late 20s.. 28 or 29 will be just nice.. 30 won't be a bad idea too :)
Number of Children: 2 -- 1 boy 1 girl, or 2 girls. (PEOPLE DON'T LAUGH WHEN YOU SEE THIS.. I WANT KIDS OK!! Though I don't really like them -.-)

LAYER TEN: In a man / woman… (opposite of you)
Best eye colour: Black? Typical Asian colour lah. Hahaha.
Best hair colour: Brown/black? Natural Asian colour.. I don't like guys who dye their hair in all kinds of punky nonsense colour.
Age: My age or up to 3 years older will be ok. Don't wanna date a younger guy.
Height and weight: Not too short or tall can already lah. How do yu judge a guy's weight? Oh well, he just needs some muscles and not be too fat and I'll be happy already :) (actually our class guys are quite short leh -.-)

LAYER ELEVEN:
Number of people you could trust in your life right now: 0. AWWW SADFACE ): (actually I like it this way lah. Hahahaha.)
Number of tattoos: None. Don't ever intend to get one.
Number of piercings: 2. But I don't mind getting more ear piercings though :)

Koped this from Theresa, whoever wants to do it can just do :)