What. The. Fuck.

Is it wrong to want to achieve more?

Haiz.. was talking to someone yesterday. It was a meaningful conversation, but left me feeling very emo :( we argued, but didn't quarrel, but that's not the point. I realized that my experiences have left me with perceptions that contribute to my value system today. And as a person, as a Christian, perhaps what I believe in isn't exactly ideal?

I seriously felt like crying, but thankfully, no tears (: maybe that person is right. Maybe I should embrace change. Maybe that's what is hindering me.

I don't know what to do.

Hmm school has just started and lessons will be pretty (or rather, very) hiong this year I guess.

Lisha is stressed :(


1. Drawing magnetic field lines is fun I guess :) hope my lousy art doesn't pull me down! (I can only draw stick figures decently leh)

2. Mr Ng told us (right-handers) to practice drawing with our left hand everyday, which is supposed to help our intonation and musical sensivity. As I am practically 100% left-brained, I guess I really need to do this! If not I shall flop indoor test, SYF, ARSM Dip etcetc.. CHOY!

3. I MUST IMPROVE MY GPA. Even if it means sleeping @ 2am and waking up @ 6am even on weekends. (But given my pathetique standard of self-discipline, I'll prolly wake up @ 10am -.-)

4. I am confused, as seen from my MSN nick.

5. I need to practice my math, if not I won't be able to follow Mr Yap in class. Matrices are quite confusing T_T in short, I need to STUDY NOWWW.

6. This is the first year I'm having a guy (Mr Jeffery Ng) as my form teacher. Haha ok random. He's nice lah.

7. The above point does not mean that I (or rather, we) won't miss Ms Low.. (P.s. I hope she invites us to her house to eat again lolololol) xD

8. I MUST NOT flop my internal exams & O-levels (HCL and MEP). 1 flop and I guess I'm done for.

9. Needa do something about my spiritual growth. ><

***

Ok I shall post my New Year's Resolutions here, but only briefly in case the information falls into the wrong hands. I wanna get better grades, become more musically inclined (i.e. stop going out of tune T_T be more sensitive, better technique/interpretation), acquire more values (self-discipline, diligence, no more procrastination etc) and become a better Christian. I guess yall should know what I mean. But it's hard :/ sighhh..

And I've gained some weight during the holidays. HALLELUJAH.

Which means I needa exercise to shed off the extra kilos. :(

***

Yep that's all for now, bye :)

Hey.. orientation was really tiring today!! Was practically running all over Singapore & my legs are still aching D: but it was really fun! Coz it was the first time we went on an excursion (?) without the usual school bus and teachers accompanying us and whatnots. Just 2 facils and 11 of us. Plus, there was all that calorie-burning (I hope) :D hopefully it burned away my KFC lunch too! Was on the verge of indigestion after eating.. my stomach is just so picky I guess.

And I realized that I stained my brand-new bag with JUICE!!! ARGH. Luckily it's dark green and stained at the bottom so it's not really obvious. But I hope a trail of ants don't get attracted to it leh. Haven't got time to wash it coz was busy touching up MEP, and the juice stinks I tell you. :(

Then went for band. I like the new sectionals rooms; they're air-conditioned with nice carpets and soundproof walls! And blur Ruonan wore her shoes inside for damn long, only to get laughed at by the rest of us T_T The next indoor will be on 16th jan, I hope I can be prepared in time. Band again tmr.. dry run for CCA Orientation and hopefully I get to self-prac too. MY SKILLS ARE DETETIORIATING FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT AHHH... I bet Mr Ng realized this too D:

Ok, need to send out my MEP Essay Proposal and then go to sleep -- something which I have been craving for since today's Street Chase!

Goodnight, everyone! :D

Hello people.. have not been posting here for very long. I doubt anyone even comes here to look at this dead blog.

Well I guess I have been in a pensieve mood for the past few weeks.. too many things on my plate and I just don't feel like telling others about it or even consider the thought of becoming a social butterfly. Hmm maybe I should just take a life retreat -- handle everything slowly and calmly until I've gained my sanity back.

School reopened two days ago, and I must say it's nice to see 3H'08 again, or rather 4H'09. Been ages since I last contacted/saw any of them. But the sad thing is that Ms Low is not our form teacher anymore; she isn't even our Math teacher!!! Bleh I bet many people will miss her, including myself ): but Mr Ng seems like a nice form teacher anyway, so I guess I shall just look on the bright side :) hahahahaha.

Thought of doing a post to sum up 2008, but the year has been so interesting and colourful that it would take a longggg blog post to sum up everything, thus I shall not bother about it. All I can say is that I guess I've matured over the past year, met lots of impactful people and experiences and changed my perspective of life by quite a fair bit. Although yeah, I've still retained many aspects of my personality. But I know that God intends all these changes -- regardless of whether they were painful or pleasant -- for the best, so I'm glad to have a Dad who cares for me all the way. :D

Lastly, Charismatic or Methodist -- which is better? I don't know. God, give me a sign! *worried*

You know what? I'm really tired.

Physically, I'm ok, just that mentally, I'm superrrr.. drained. I guess I've come to the point where neither words nor tears can ever express what I feel now. Where my heart should have been is just an empty vacuum, devoid of any emotions lol.

I'm really disgusted by what I see, and the worst part is that I can't do anything to stop it. I'm glad I've told myself not to love others so easily. (When I say love, I'm talking about loving people in general; not only in terms of romantic relationships.) This is the opposite to what the Bible says but nvm. I know you're supposed to love everyone unconditionally just like how Christ loved us; no matter how unworthy they may be, we must love them. But seriously, when they hurt/irritate/upset us, is the love really worth it? It's like, you know you're in for a whacking when you provoke someone, but you provoke him anyway.

But without love, the world would be even more cold and hard, right? :/

What a way to celebrate Christmas! Christ is love, but I'm losing faith in love..


MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! :)

Wow, it's been a long long while since I lasted updated. To be frank, I've gotten rid of most of my blogging addiction already.

Well, I didn't go for church camp D: I really hope that God, my caregroup and the rest of my church friends are not angry with me! It's just that missing band camp isn't exactly the right thing to do. I'd miss a normal practice but not band camp. However, I feel that God has revealed His plans to me in another way. During this band camp, I feel that I was able to bond a lot more with my section :) I'm not trying to sound corny here, but I think it is my duty as a senior and SL to be there for my juniors especially during this time -- intensive training. More importantly, God help me to realize, once again, how deep is my love for music. Yes, I was aware that music is an important part of my life, but I thought I could abandon it for more important things e.g. studies. (I went on piano hiatus a few weeks prior to EOYs, and my technique sucks now.) :( but come to think of it, the day I abandon music will probably be the saddest day of my life. I could feel the excitement and exuberance of worship coursing through the blood in my veins as I played my cello; it's not even my first instrument. Yet I felt so happy playing it. I don't know if I was daydreaming, but I seemed to sense Jesus being happy with what I was doing.

Which leads me to recall what Ms Low said to me after looking through my portfolio earlier this year. I had written that I completed my piano Grade 8 exam in Sec 1, and was now aiming for my Diploma. She asked me if it might have been God's plan for me to eventually become a concert pianist. But I told her no, competition is tough and I'm nothing special; furthermore, it isn't very practical in Singapore.

Then why do I keep fantasizing about performing solos after solos, concertos after concertos?!?! o.o

Because that's what I really like? What I really really want?

But I feel that choosing a career is more about practicality, not so much about what you like. True, you don't choose a career you totally detest, but it must definitely give you a sense of security with regard to tomorrow.

Now I'm stuck at a crossroad, unsure of what to do =.= shall just wait and see how God reveals His plans at the appropriate times..

[edit/]
The Bible says it's important to love, but sometimes it's really hard :/ when the people you love constantly hurt and disappoint you and let you down, what is the purpose of loving them? Yes it's true that love is a nice feeling to have around, but when you don't experience love, you don't know what you're missing out on, so it won't really hurt you I guess. But when you have loved and lost, you might not be able to withstand it emotionally. So is it really worth it to love others? And what is the point of believing in love?

Confused - beyond tears;
My nicenice msn nick :)

Ok random -.-

So my fate is sealed. And I miss you ):

Haiz I seriously wonder how much more do I need to keep sacrificing for SOME people. A little bit is ok but sometimes it gets too ._____.

On a brighter note, I read Jacq's blog and 1 post was on how God disciplines those He loves (you know the one in Hebrews?).. He challenges you through tough times so you are able to grow. I recently realized that this is what has been happening to me these few years, coz He wants me to grow in the area of faith. Which is what I've been seriously lacking for so long.

It all started with PSLE results. I wouldn't say I was the most hardcore mugger P6 student ever, but I believed that I put in my fair share of work too. So when I got 257, my world totally crashed. My hopes, dreams and plans were gone with the wind; so were my entire family's expectations of me. (A lot of people predicted that I would get around 260+) My godmother, whom I perceive to be a strong Christian, was concerned and prayed for me.. she got this answer: this was entirely God's plan.

Because of my PSLE fiasco, from then on I was convinced that God's perfect plan would be my worst nightmare. And when life didn't get better, I still believed in God, but I also believed that I would always be the unlucky one -- never the head, always the tail..

... Which was what caused me to begin backsliding around 1 or 2 weeks ago. Suddenly, I was wondering, why would a good God allow all this crap to be happening in my life? Is it worth it to serve Him and follow Him, when what He wants for you is what you absolutely despise? I was totally confused. I thought, maybe it's better if I become a free thinker; I don't have to worry about following a less-than-exemplary life's path, and God can worry about one less Christian who is not walking right with Him. But on the other hand, part of me still knew that I needed God, coz life's battles and challenges may just be too daunting to handle alone.

I also thought of laying off church, prayer, Bible reading and the like for one or two months, before returning back to Christ. But that idea didn't fully appeal to me either.

Then a few days later, I was reading the Bible and some verses (which I forgot -.-) spoke very clearly to me: God knew my plight. Suddenly my faith became stronger, and I decided that yes, I will remain a Christian. And now, I have decided that I won't just serve Christ, I will be His faith-filled servant. :D

Sigh, I know Jessica (sheperd) and all my other CG mates are super worried about this.. instead of responding well to God's tests, I back out. God, I'm so sorry :( please forgive me!!

So I've decided on writing a long letter to God, telling Him exactly what happened, how I feel and what caused me to backslide. I know that He already knows all this by the back of His hand, but I just want to tell Him everything in writing. I'll probably destroy it after I complete it, or chuck it in a drawer full of scrap paper that I don't touch.. whatever it is, I don't think I'm showing it to anyone :P

I'm starting my journey of faith from scratch. It's scary sometimes, believing in something you cannot see and have absolutely no proof of. But that's how God works -- through faith-filled miracles. So Lord, I pray that You grant me faith, courage, hope and trust in You.. and please don't let me backslide again. Amen.

LAYER ONE: Spell your name with animals
Lion
Insects
Schnauzer
Hen
Ant


LAYER TWO:
Name: Lisha
Birthday: 18 March 93'
Nick Name: Sha!
Location: Singapore
Eye Colour: Black
Natural Hair Colour: Brown
Right or left: Right

LAYER THREE:
Shoes you wore today: Pumps
Your perfect pizza: I like all kinds. No particular favourite.
Best holiday: USA 2 years ago! <3>
Most missed memory: :D got a lot lah. 3H 08' 2J '07 etcetc.

LAYER FOUR:
How many pets do you have: 1 hamster! (:
If you got to go anywhere in the world, where would you go: New York. The Holy City (is it in Jerusalem?) Anywhere in Europe. Russia. California.. again!!! :) :) :)
The last movie you saw at cinemas: Enchanted.. ok I know I'm super outdated it was like.. last year?!?!
Who you went with: My cousin Eunice! =)

LAYER FIVE:
Pepsi or Coke: COKE.
McDonald’s or Burger King: MACS.
Adidas or Nike: Fine with both, but I like Nike more. Adidas is cheaper though..
Lipton or Nestea: Not much difference, but probably Nestea lah. Hahaha.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Depends. Usually choc ba..

LAYER SIX:
Do You…Curse: SURE. YES IT'S MY GUILTY PLEASURE xD A HABIT I CAN NEVER SEEM TO KICK.. (much to the dismay of a lot of people >.<)
Do you sing: Sometimes, not very often though.
Get motion sickness: Yup. Quite a lot.
Think you’re a health freak: No lah. I eat anything that's nice. :P
Get along with your parents: Yup :) at least I TRY to k!
Play an instrument: Yeah, 2 in fact.

LAYER SEVEN: In the past month…
Drank alchohol: Yup, at my grandfather's birthday party dinner! -x3
Number of Drugs: Never. I didn't even take panadol when I was practically dying from the pain yesterday ok!
Gone to the mall: Duh =.=
Eaten an entire pizza: No?!?! My stomach will be swollen and I'll gain 2kg T_T
Been on stage: No..
Gone skating: No..
Made homemade cookie: No.. only a brownie for my mum's birthday.

LAYER EIGHT:
Have you ever… Been in big trouble with your parents: Yeah, I ever cursed and swore in front of them >.< (exact words used are too atrocious to be typed here!)
Lied about your age: Lol yeah. When I was going to get my ears pierced. I was about 4 or 5 and I told the person I was 8 =.=
Sed a fake ID: No?

LAYER NINE:
Age you hope to be married: Late 20s.. 28 or 29 will be just nice.. 30 won't be a bad idea too :)
Number of Children: 2 -- 1 boy 1 girl, or 2 girls. (PEOPLE DON'T LAUGH WHEN YOU SEE THIS.. I WANT KIDS OK!! Though I don't really like them -.-)

LAYER TEN: In a man / woman… (opposite of you)
Best eye colour: Black? Typical Asian colour lah. Hahaha.
Best hair colour: Brown/black? Natural Asian colour.. I don't like guys who dye their hair in all kinds of punky nonsense colour.
Age: My age or up to 3 years older will be ok. Don't wanna date a younger guy.
Height and weight: Not too short or tall can already lah. How do yu judge a guy's weight? Oh well, he just needs some muscles and not be too fat and I'll be happy already :) (actually our class guys are quite short leh -.-)

LAYER ELEVEN:
Number of people you could trust in your life right now: 0. AWWW SADFACE ): (actually I like it this way lah. Hahahaha.)
Number of tattoos: None. Don't ever intend to get one.
Number of piercings: 2. But I don't mind getting more ear piercings though :)

Koped this from Theresa, whoever wants to do it can just do :)

Just for a laugh! :D


This is the outline you're supposed to fill it in.

Dear -someone-,I don’t really know how to tell you this, but (_1_).I think I realised it (_2_), (_3_) and I saw you (_4_) (_5_). I’m sure you’re (_6_) enough to understand (_7_). I’m returning (_8_) to you, but I’ll keep (_9_) as a memory. You should also know that I (_10_) and (_11_).(_12_),-Your name-


1. What’s the colour of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is overRed- Our affair is over
White – I’m joining the Convent
Black - I dislike your eyelashes
Green - Our socks don’t match
Grey - You’re a pervert
Yellow - I’m selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You’re mean
Other - I’m in love with your cat

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February - Last year when you peed your pants
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When you smacked my butt
August - When I saw the purple monkey
September - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
October - When I quoted Forest Gump
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Lasagna- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat - With George Bush and Stephen Harper

4. What’s the colour of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - IgnoreBlue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put whipped cream on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over

5. What’s the colour of your undies?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
None – My prized statue of Michael Jackson in the nude
Other - The elephant in the corner

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs- Man
O.C.- Emotional
One Tree Hill- Open
Heroes- Frostbitten
Lost- High
House- Sly
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news- Scarred
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy- Senile
Top Model- Middle-class
Annat- Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you areS
ad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn’t exist
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Ashamed - That I’m allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Silly - That there is no solution to you being a dumbkid
Other - That your driving sucks

8. What’s the colour of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - Your Elton John poster
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from Vegas
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your car

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
C/D - The oil tank from your car
E/F - Your neighbour’s dog
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of that blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your glass eye
Y/Z - Your credit cards

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
C/D - Never will forget that night
E/F - Always wanted to break your leg
G/H – Hate your cooking
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Will tell the authorities that you did not steal that whale in the back yard
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Was interviewed about the car you stole
Q/R - Always will remember the pep talks
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z – Am better off without you

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship is ruined
Beer – you should stop picking your nose
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m incarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Wine – Thanks for the Cocaine
Cider – I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
Mineral water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Liquor - I chew on your earlobes while you sleep
Other – I’m scratching my ass as you read this

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex-change
England - Good luck in jail
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cowGreece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Kiss my butt
France – With tears of sadness
Spain - Go drown yourself


My result:
Dear -:D, I don’t really know how to tell you this, but I dislike your eyelashes. I think I realised it when your dwarf bit me, at the mental hospital and I saw you sit on my boyfriend. I’m sure you’re cowardly enough to understand that you need a sex-change. I’m returning your toe ring and your couch cushions to you, but I’ll keep your left ear as a memory. You should also know that I get sick when I think of your feet and I chew on your earlobes while you sleep. Greetings to your frog Leonard, Lisha (:

OMG HAHAHAHAHA WTH ^^

Omg omg oww oww owwwwwwwww :(

The hormonal pills I took last month caused my body clock to screw itself so its presence was unexpected. *Hint: note why I used red for 'its' lol.* Initially, I was wondering why my stomach was so screwed these days (I had diarrohea yesterday night btw) and I thought today's cramp was yet another stomache. But it turned out to be a growing pain that just couldn't be extinguished. So I spent some time sitting on the toilet bowl, hoping that everything would be stablized, then sat on a chair. It worsened HORRIBLY.

So I went to take a drink, with the intention of taking hot water. Then I go tyco the machine and ended up with Expresso =.= so I drank it down anyway. Then I took hot water again lor. And decided to ignore the pain.

Shit, bloody mistake. Rushed to the toilet --> threw up the Expresso + water solution :( my back was like breakinggggg from the pain. Squatted down at the corner of the cubicle, but I'd 'progressed' to sitting on the floor!! (Wanted to lie down actually, but since the toilet's so dirty, so yeah ._____.) A lot of people were like "Are you ok?" Yes I'm ok, just in great pain, it happens every month.. no there's nothing I can do about it.. I probably have fibroids.. blah blah blah.

And so I scared quite a lot of people -.-

Damn I can't go on living like this! Rolling around in a mess of pain and vomit.. it's just HORRIBLE kayy. Sigh. I wanna just go to a gynae and get it sorted out and I hope my mummy will let me :) (ok she believes in exercise. But walao, I'll still be in pain regardless of whether I exercised or not.)

Hey I've got stuff to do now, bye! :D

Tagged by Siting! :)


QUIZ!

1) The person who tagged you is? Siting

2)Your relationship with him/her is? Classmate & friend

3)Your 5 impressions of him/her is?
1. Se4 bei3 bei2.. well we should all know why right!

2. Creative -- who else will be able to think of a modern interpretation of Macbeth for our class? ;)

3. Has a sense of humour, due to the same reason as the one above.

4. Secretive -- we don't know much about her love life LOL.

5. Smart -- her Chinese and Maths are like. Zomg. Puts me to shame T.T

4)The most memorable thing he/she has done for you?
Actually there were lots of things lah. Siting is a very memorable person leh!! Hmmm I guess it will be the assigning of characters for Macbeth when Yeuk Ho wanted to change seating arrangement lor. Not for me lah, but provided a lot of fun, laughter and entertainment anyway ^^

5)The most memorable thing he/she has said to you?
She has said too many memorable stuff for me to be able to list them here. Anyway they are all around the same context, which 3H people should be able to guess xD

6)If he/she become your lover, you will?
No way. We're both girls and I'm not les. Not sure about her though.. (anyway I think she's interested in Jin Xin or Yitian or ** lol.)

7)If he/she become your lover, the thing he/she has to improve on will be?
Well in the first place that won't be possible, see the reasons stated in the above question. But anyway in response to this question, I would appreciate if she doesn't become so se4.

8) If he/she becomes your enemy, you will?
Again, this will not be possible. But if it does happen then no choice lor :( (CHOY!!!)

9)There is no spoon question.
Huh? Was there ever a fork question?

10) What you want to tell him/her now is?
1. Have fun in Australia! :)
2. I want to go out with you
3. You still haven't done anything with the Macbeth blog yet!! Argh!!!

4. Go check my private blog for more interesting updates!

5. I NEVER SEEM TO SEE YOU ONLINE!! If I do I'll tell you a lot more things lah :)

11) Your overall impression of him/her is?
Creative and se4 and funny.

12) How do you think people around you feel about you?
1 word: SADISTIC. We all know why don't we xD


13) The characteristics you love of yourself are?
My sadism? Lol got a lot more lah, but if I write them here wait yall call me zilian =.=

14) On the contrary, characteristics you hate of yourself are?
I admit I can get too sadistic sometimes T.T if I write more here it will be like I'm washing my dirty linen in public.

15) The most ideal person you want to be is?
MESELF. :)

16) For people that care and like you, say something to them.
Thank you and have a nice day! :D


17) Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you
1. Siting -- I wanna see how creative Shakespeare's interpretations can get!

2. Yitian

3. Muni

4. Cherisse

5. Ziying

6. Huihsien

7. Valencia -- coz you never do quiz before!!!
8. Elvin
9. Chrystal
10. Fiona (Teh)



18) Who is No. 6 having a relationship with?
No idea.. I think she only wants to improve her relationship with God :)

19) Is No. 9 a male or female?
Female

20) If No. 7 and No. 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
I guess it will be quite funny. But they're both not les so yeah..

21) What is No. 2 studying?
How to be more se4? xP

22) When was the last time you had a chat with No. 3?
A few weeks ago, before the holidays.

23) What kind of music band does No. 8 like?
Not very sure.. All American Rejects? According to his blogskin..

24) Does No. 1 have any siblings?
No

25) Will you woo No. 3?
No. Coz:
1. We're not les
2. She would be more interested in cows lol.

26) How about No. 7?
LOL?!?! No duh =.=

27) Is No. 4 single?
I think so..

28) What is the surname of No. 5?
Lim I think..

29) What are the hobbies of No. 10?
God-centred activities: praise and worship, prayer, reading her Bible, evaxing.. I'm not sure what else she does leh >.<

30) Do No. 5 and No. 9 get along well?
Yup, definitely =)

31) Where is No. 2 studying at?
Dunman High 3H 08'

32) Say something about No. 1.
A bit se4, creative and crazy..

33) Have you tried developing feelings for No. 8?
Well he's my cousin after all -.-

34) Where does No. 9 live?
Not very sure.. Pasir Ris?

35) What colour does No. 4 like?
Not very sure.. but she seems like the kind who will like black and pink leh..

36) Are No. 1 and No. 5 best friends?
They don't know each other

37) Does No. 1 have any pets?
Do ***** and ** count? xD

38) Is No. 7 the sexiest person in the world?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. WHAT A QUESTION!!! NO I DON'T THINK SHE'S THAT SEXY (IF SHE EVEN IS).. AWW SADFACE :(

39) What is No. 10 doing now?
How I know? I only know that fulfilling the Great Commission will be one of the more important things on her to-do list.

Ok done! :) EH SITING GO READ MY ANSWERS!! I PROMISE YOU'LL HAVE A GOOD LAUGH!!

Omg omg omg omg omg this is superrrrr interesting! :D

Went for a meeting today (ok half the time I didn't understand what was going on -.-) but I think it was good exposure anyway. Continued with the rest of the stuffs after that; the more I do it, the more I know what I want to do next time yay.

Am really looking forward to the day I can finally embark on it!

[edit/]
More Randomness From Yesterday:
I used to think that a courtroom was cool. I still do, but it's not like there are no other cool areas! Hmmm now I think I will be in a dilemma next time O.O but this path seems to be a nice one to take.

Ok, post completed. In about 2 minutes :)

Hmmm so I've been having a reallyyy fun day today! It's only 2.03pm and I'm already writing my second post of the day :) not due to boredom though.

It's fun learning things we sure can't learn in the classroom :D Love it to bits and pieces. It helps me to embrace my hopes for the future, so that what was merely a distant dream can become a path to reality. I'm glad I was given this opportunity to find out what I really want, and really work towards it. It's very interesting; way beyond the regular stuff you get with regard to modern-day education.

I know I'm lag, but congrats to Presidential Candidate Mr. Barack Obama for winning the presidential campaign!!! Omg he's totally so cool can. Read his book "Dreams From My Father" and I can say, it's a must-read. It's not just a biography of some random American who happened to have a long-lost family from another continent, hidden away in an ulu place in the world. It's about the daily struggle to uncover your past, treasure the present and use them to assure a better tomorrow. Well it seems like Obama's a pretty sentimental guy, in addition to being charismatic and popular and all that. Haha.. I'm sure I'm not the only one who prefers him to McCain and Clinton right. :P

Am still miffed and worried by lots of things, and I just hope that everything will turn out fine. May need to just learn not to worry so much -.- if not I'll have more wrinkles (omg a few weeks ago I noticed that I have wrinkles around my eyes when I smile and a frown is permanently etched on my face... at the TENDER age of FIFTEEN!!!) and get white hair soon (CHOY!!!)

[edit/]
Randomness
Many people think that it's important to have a servant's heart -- just serve wholeheartedly without expecting anything in return; this is the meaning of true dedication. However, some others may think it is how people drain their energy unneccessarily. Where, then, do you draw the line between dedicated help and foolishness? Or does dedicated help equal to foolishness? Or is it just plain foolish to be thinking this way? People tell you all kinds of things, but ultimately, it is you who make the choice to believe in what you want, in what you think is right. Only you can have that power of mind to choose your choices, to choose your ideals, to choose your values and beliefs. People may think otherwise, but if you think that what you are doing is right, your conscience remains clear and pure. Only you are responsible for what you do; no matter how much people attempt to sway and pressure you, only you are responsible for yourself. No matter how tough the going gets, it is always important to stick to what you believe in, no matter how painful or tough it may be.

And that, readers, is the meaning of true courage.

HEYYYYY PEOPLE!!! :D :D :D

Turns out that HSSRP Project Review was for everyone -.- but nevertheless, it offered good exposure :) competition was super stiff, they only chose 5 out of 19 groups, so like duh I didn't get in. But I have no regrets anyway :)

Have to edit my HSSRP paper for publication. Luckily nothing too major needs to be done =D thanks so much Mdm Nora xD was quite funny actually, seeing sentences 7-8 lines long at least xD

Wheee I'm slacking now xD xD xD you guys will never guess where I am.

GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK GOODLUCK

Omg people I'm scared :( Matthews 19:26 " With God all things are possible." Ok, I'll do my best and let God do the rest :D I promise I won't let yall down yay.


But I'm still scared T.T

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG YAY! :D :D :D




THANK GOD!!!




You know why?







*highlight the line below this to get the answer.. I don't want to spoil the surprise ;)
I'M GOING FOR HSSRP PROJECT REVIEW TMR!!


WHEW. This has come as a SUPER GREAT BIG relief to me. Was damn worried that I couldn't get in--firstly, due to stiff competition from imba people in other schools (T.T) and secondly, due to a blog entry I saw on Phyllis' (my primary school friend now in Nanyang) blog. For days I couldn't eat/sleep well properly coz of this -.- and to make things worse, my stomach really enjoyed giving itself pains for no reason at all.

Haha, luckily I decided to do a powerpoint presentation early just in case, if not tonight no need to sleep already lol. But I haven't started rehearsing, and while I believe the Holy Spirit will be speaking through me as I present to my assessors tomorrow, I can't hope that my mouth will move by itself :X

Whew, 9 months of blood and sweat.. I suppose I spent a lot of time doing HSSRP instead of what most people were doing--studying. My grades have inevitably been lower than what I would have wanted, but I'm glad I've "taken" from this mentorship programme. Many times I was super tempted to give up--my research was on Economics, which obviously I had no clue about--but I'm glad I stayed on. From collading surveys to monitoring the inflation level of different commodities and plotting graphs on an online software that often caused my graph to screw up and hence I had to redo everything umpeenth times (sometimes the process was so disgustingly tedious), I guess I have a better idea of the meaning of hard work :X I'm not implying that I'll turn into a workaholic overnight (OBVIOUSLY I WON'T!!) but before my HSSRP commenced, I don't think I was very diligent either :/ I'm glad that besides learning the fundamentals of Economics, I was able to see through the murky waters of unfamiliar facts and theories of the subject, and convert them into something I was able to understand. Yes, Economics has proved itself to be a very interesting subject, and I really hope I will be able to take it in Year 5 :)

This project has also taught me the importance of time management skills. With academics (triple science + BSP + MEP), band (luckily SYF did not take place this year), piano & cello lessons and other miscellaneous things cropping up along the way, I can't say that I could spare a lot of time for this project. But I guess commitments are not meant to be broken, and especially since this was a golden opportunity to me, I felt that all the more it was meant to be taken seriously. As the only student from Dunman High to have been awarded HSSRP with an external mentor, I believed this to be a great honour to both the school and myself. Like what my teacher-supervisor, Mdm Nora, told me, I should make the school proud through this project. As the results for the certificates are not out yet, I can't be sure if I got a Certificate of Participation or a Certificate of Merit, but Mdm Nora said that those who were shortlisted for the Project Review are likely to be awarded a Certificate of Merit. Even if I don't get a Merit, I'll still be thankful that I have a chance to participate in and gain exposure from the Project Review. I'm still learning, but I want to be able to give thanks in all circumstances :)

I would also like to thank several special people here, because they truly helped me in one way or another:

Dr Lin - Thank you for mentoring me for 9 months or so. I'm really happy that you didn't mind my noobish-ness and laggi-ness in this project, but instead you provided me with such patient guidance. You gave me the big picture of the recent inflation and how best to write the paper, including many detailed ideas that had never occured to me. I find it very remarkable that even though you may be a learned university lecturer, you took time to mentor and help me, a Sec 3 student, and did your best to inspire me to go further into my journey of Economics. Even though we have only met a few times--a total of 3 hours--your kindness was very clearly reflected through those meetings and through the emails we exchanged. It was my very first mentorship so naturally I was apprehensive, but you never tried to intimidate me in any way. My first mentorship has been made so memorable thanks to you, a nice mentor who has willingly lighted the way for me.

Mdm Nora - As my teacher-supervisor of this project, I guess there were many times when you must have been fed-up with me :/ but you never once gave me a dressing-down (though I know I deserved it -.-) instead, you continued to steer me back onto the right path. Even though you mentioned that Economics was not particularly your forte, you still tried to provide me with lots of input, to the best of your ability. I am really grateful for your enormous dedication throughout those months--you introduced me to Mdm Leong, whom you felt would be in a better position to help me, painstakingly checked my research paper format, editted my grammar and references (to this day, I just CANNOT understand the APA format T_T), which must have been very annoying on your part. Yet you never failed to greet me with a few friendly words whenever we met after this project. I am really happy that I had such a kind teacher-supervisor who would go out of the way just to make sure that my needs were met. Thank you so much! :)

Mdm Leong - Even though initially you were not involved in this project, you still willingly took on the role of helping me. As a HOD, you must be very busy, but you still managed to spare time and effort to make sure that I was being supplemented with the relevant knowledge in Economics. I still remember how you gave me a copy of your tutorials, notes and even articles from The Economist, as you felt it would be beneficial for me to subscribe. Thanks to you, I was able to see how Economics was so applicable to daily life. You have definitely inspired me and helped me to wish to pursue Economics at a higher level. I definitely want to study it in Senior High, and although I want to become a lawyer, who knows I may end up studying Economics one day. It was an obligation, not a duty, for you to help me, especially to this great extent, yet you did it willingly. When I wrote you a thank-you email, you replied that I should thank Mdm Nora instead. But I know you have put in a lot for me, even though you knew it was unlikely that you would be able to get back anything in return. Thank you for your selflessness and readiness to impart your invaluable knowledge of Economics to me ^^

My parents - You knew that I wanted to succeed in this mentorship, and you personally wanted to see it become reality, too. As you were not working in the Economic field, you could only provide me with the layman's perspective of inflation, but this hindrance did not deter you from helping me. I may never say this to you personally, and you don't come here, but I really want to thank both of you for what you have done. I've not been a superb daughter -.- but you've never washed your hands off helping me, even though nothing could stop you if you ever wanted to. Now that I got shortlisted for the Project Review, I really want to share my joy with both of you :D it's a pity that you can't go to NTU to see me present; but even though you may not be with me physically, you are always with me in spirit. Many people say that in this world, no matter how nice others may be to you, your parents are the only ones who really, truly care for you and love you. Yes, I know this saying is true. All those late nights, all those tedious efforts, all those frustrations on your part.. at least now you know it didn't go to waste. Thank you so much; Mum, I know you'll be praying for me like mad tomorrow, and Dad, though I know that you won't due to your strong atheist beliefs, but you promising to check through my powerpoint presentation and public speaking skills aren't unimportant either.

Aunty Casslynn - as my godmother, you provided me with lots of encouragement and spiritual support - through prayer. As my parents' friend, you could choose to be a silent bystander to my well-being, but you were genuinely concerned that everything went well. A staunch Christian, I know you must have prayed a lot for the success of my HSSRP, and when I called you just now, you told me to pray for favour, wisdom, clarity etc before I face my assessors tomorrow. You may not have been able to provide me with facts and theories I needed to complete my project, but nevertheless, you supported me. Thank you for all that you've done for me, from completing my survey form to making me have a constant presence in your prayers. Oh, and for nagging me to get closer to God. "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you." You reminded me that if we keep God in mind, He will bless us with more than what we need. Thank you in advance for praying for me tomorrow, and for willingly being involved in my life.

All my friends - All of you have definitely supported me throughout the 9 months, which is something I am really grateful to each and every one of you. Although I never mentioned it to any of you, but a kind word would encourage me to persevere on with my project. Thank you EB2, 3H etc.. I know that many of you kept my project in your prayers, and due to the large number of prayers, THE PRAYER HAS BEEN ANSWERED!! "Rmb that when 2 or 3 come together in His name, there He is in the midst of them." I won't say who told me this, but thanks to that person, I realized that the Word of God--the Bible--has again proved itself to be true. Jessica: Sheperd, I could see that you were very concerned that time when I seemed very tired during shepherding. Thanks for being such an awesome shepherd, who gave me much-needed spiritual support during those arduous moments. To all my friends who told me to persevere, thank you so much. Even though you were not able to do the survey (students are the only ones not that affected by the inflation I guess :X) whatever little thing you did for me will not go unnoticed or unappreciated. I am thankful for friends like you all, whose friendships were a major factor in me emerging unscathed from the project. =D

God - You were the most important One in the entire course of this project. Last year, I wasn't particularly great a Christian (I know I'm still not one; I sin BIG TIME! T.T) but among all the people You could have chosen, You chose me to be the one to do this project. I know I have disappointed and upset You many times (way too many times to count), but You still blessed me with the opportunity to get into HSSRP with NUS, and continued to bless me all the way. Just how I got a nice mentor and how Mdm Leong got involved were blessings in itself, not to mention everything else that You did for me. You know I'm not particularly academically-inclined, and that the Talent Development Programme was designed to help those people whose marks are like, zomg. Yet by grace, I, an ordinary student in Dunman High, could be given this golden opportunity that many crave for, but are unable to get. Like what someone told me, although my project is an individual one, I'm not alone, because I have You. Thank You for using so many people to speak to me countless times that this project would turn out well--including non-Christians like my Dad, and the most memorable MSN convo I ever had (we both know who was talking to me that day, haha.. but I believe You were talking to me through that person)--so that I would be reassured that You would use me to do this project to glorify Your name. It's amazing how I, an ordinary student in Dunman High, could be in HSSRP with more competent people from schools like Raffles, Nanyang, Hwa Chong etc, and yet my project could stand out. But it's not my work; I know You were working through me all this time. You met my needs throughout the whole project, so that I would be able to give yet another testimony on how Your wisdom, knowledge, grace and power helped me so much. When I was so scared on Sunday about my project, Pastor Khong preached about Your economy. I have not been going to FCBC for more almost 2 years, and it felt wonderful to hear Pastor Khong again. I don't think it was a coincidence that both my project and the sermon was on Economics, I know it was yet another time that you were reassuring me that everything would be alright. Lord I pray for forgiveness for sinning, then repenting, and then going back to sinning again, and I really want to thank You for all that You've done for me this whole time, or rather, my whole life. Yay You've made me the head, not the tail! :D Let me be used by You, so that I can fulfill the Great Commission, my life's purpose.. and more. In Jesus' most precious holy name, Amen!


Whoa ok, so that was a really long post. Shall go for band in the morning, then rehearse with Mdm Leong, then.. PROJECT REVIEW!! Ahh my blood is starting to turn cold now :/ oh well, pia presentation now, then hope and pray for the best tomorrow! :)

Yay am looking forward to Freedom Service this sat, to celebrate the end of EOYs! :D Ok, I admit my results are not worthy to be celebrated for, but to mark the end of my Sec 3 life, oh well :/ AND I WANNA BRING VISITORS TOO!

I'm so proud of myself. I walked home from school today! :D My feet have been hurting but I guess the calories I've burnt made it worth it. Don't worry, I live quite near the school, so it's not some 5-hour crazy journey BY FOOT from Buona Vista to Pasir Ris -.-

I love Beethoven's Piano Concerto No. 5 in Eb Major, the 'Emperor'. The first movement sounds so majestic, the second sounds so beautifully magical, and the third sounds like a very long2 zhong4 dance. Love it especially when Wang Haijie/Rubenstein is playing. And I think Vanessa-Mae's style is imba too. It is in times like this where I feel so inspired to improve my own playing, and yes, to work towards becoming a soloist. Sometimes I wish I can just abandon academics after A-levels and study music at a Russian Conservatory. (Not that I hate school subjects; I DO like them!) But the thought of soloing with a large orchestra is really a childhood dream. Sadly, I don't know if it will ever come true :/ Furthermore, I don't think Singapore is the right place for popularizing Classical Music, and I guess I want to stay here all my life..

I'M LISTENING TO THE FIRST MOVEMENT NOW AND IT'S OMGOSH SO PERFECT :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heUE4RNicEg
I wish I could play like him but a dream will always remain a dream =.="

Hmmm, band tomorrow. Before that we're going to the church/temple/mosque thing.. I hope I don't forget to bring my scarf haha. K random ;)

Oh, and some bad stuff has been happening but I guess the only solution is to pray and accept it with grace :( anyway the Bible says that just as slaves must obey and respect their masters, the masters must also remember that they too have a Master in heaven. Let no debt remain oustanding, except the debt to love one another. (Quoted from somewhere in Corinthians.) Unfortunately, this isn't the case in real life; the opposite is almost always true. :'(

Wait. The scenery in another of the Emperor Concerto's videos is so beautiful it's making my heart melt <3 <3 <3 but the piano tempo is so slowww it's making me want to sleep. And it doesn't help that now is 12.15am -.-

Grr I hope everything will turn out fine, coz I only want to be the head and not the tail, like what is said in Deuteronomy 28:13.

Well my technique DEFINITELY needs brushing up. Before I went on a piano hiatus before EOYs, it was ok but not superb. And just when I got the momentum, I had to stop it coz exams are obviously more important. I'm quite shocked that my endurance is somewhere down the drain. I can't play as many studies at 1 shot as I could before I took a break, and my Chopin Etude sounds like some Struggling Etude T_T

Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto No. 1 in Bb Minor sounds like some kind of magical fairytale. I've got the score (thanks to whoever uploaded it on the Internet so that people like me who cannot afford to lose anything except their printer it can have a copy. It's legal duh!) but I can't play it. AWW SADFACE :(

I'M SO SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYTHING.

So it's this time of the year once again, when EOY results have just been released.


I must say, I performed below expectations. Even though a lot of people found the papers difficult, there were people who did well, so yeah. I guess my GPA may not get >3 this year. Yes, this is how bad my results are. No wonder Ms Low is so concerned. Just pray that this won't repeat next year, or my MEP & HCL O-levels and Year 5 Subject Combi can go die already.

I know I sound incoherent in the above paragraph but whatever..

Sometimes I worry about what the future will hold in store for me when I have shit results like this. I hope nobody's born to be a loser :X

But I'm glad I didn't fail Chinese :D ok I failed my main paper by 1 mark, but other than that, everything's fine :D

I hope life will quickly take a turn for the better. Besides my shitty grades, there are a million and one things more on my mind now :/

I don't think I should start mugging so soon. If not I shall just lose steam and burn out at a crucial time next year. Hmmm, shall just take a good break and pia later on when the time calls for it!

P.s. my EOY grades really stink to the deepest pit of hell T.T